Day 14
Today was tough. Many things made it that way. I'm tired. Today was a day where I felt ready to go home. Today was a day where I realized that emotionally and mentally, I am tired. Today was a day where the high pressures and low pressures collided and made a tornado in my head.
Today, Eunice thought it was her birthday, but her birthday is tomorrow. That made today really funny. It is good to have at least something in a day to make you smile.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Day 15 - November 21
Day 15. The meaning of countdown has changed since I've been on tour. A countdown is when you check to make sure all of your kids are together. Now a countdown is how many days are left...
Today was the first Sunday in a long time where we got to go to church. King's Park International Church is a huge supporter of the ACC and the reason that we have a place called Mirembe House. If it wasn't for this awesome church, these last few weeks of tour would be spent in a much different way. It was amazing to be in church today and to not only worship with other believers, but to be truly challenged by the message. Pastor Jim spoke on the life of Noah and the stages of a believer's life. First, you are behind God. In the first step, you are learning to be obedient, submissive. As you move through that stage, you come to a point where God moves you from behind him to beside him, into friendship - a friendship that hears the heart of the other person. And then, you go before God as he sends you into your destiny, the place where he wants you to be.
This afternoon as I reflected on that, I was struck by the fact that in order for that relationship to happen, we must go through an element of change. Not easy change, but change that must be pushed through, worked out, and heart wrenching. As God brings us through the changes, we begin to hear his heart as he pulls us a little bit closer to his side into intimate friendship. As I shared in devotions with the children tonight, I talked about how each of us embraces change differently and as they look around at their aunties and uncles, they will see that each of us are coping with the changes we are facing in different ways. Amy, Alesha and I will be the criers, Mel will be the doer, Tony will be the one who quietly processes. It will take us all a different route to move up beside the Father, but he knows the best route and understands the way he has made us.
We had a quiet afternoon at the house. Faith and I played Scrabble - a game I am convinced she likes simply because I play it - and chatted about what is changing. When we finished our Scrabble game, we looked through some pictures and then sat on the couch for a few minutes. She said to me, "Auntie, I want to play soccer but I want to be near you". This girl knows me so well. I don't play soccer. As I sent her on her way to play some soccer, I was touched by realizing that Faith's way of coping with change is going to be quality time. Time is truly the only thing I have to give her and I will give her as much as I can.
The days continue to move by at a rapid pace. As I finished this week's schedule, I realized that I only have one more schedule to make. Time will be over before I know it.
Dear Lord, help me to move through this change the best way I know how. Give me the strength to give to these babies of mine what they need to embrace this change, too. Thank you for pulling me closer to your side as I learn to walk in submission. Amen.
Today was the first Sunday in a long time where we got to go to church. King's Park International Church is a huge supporter of the ACC and the reason that we have a place called Mirembe House. If it wasn't for this awesome church, these last few weeks of tour would be spent in a much different way. It was amazing to be in church today and to not only worship with other believers, but to be truly challenged by the message. Pastor Jim spoke on the life of Noah and the stages of a believer's life. First, you are behind God. In the first step, you are learning to be obedient, submissive. As you move through that stage, you come to a point where God moves you from behind him to beside him, into friendship - a friendship that hears the heart of the other person. And then, you go before God as he sends you into your destiny, the place where he wants you to be.
This afternoon as I reflected on that, I was struck by the fact that in order for that relationship to happen, we must go through an element of change. Not easy change, but change that must be pushed through, worked out, and heart wrenching. As God brings us through the changes, we begin to hear his heart as he pulls us a little bit closer to his side into intimate friendship. As I shared in devotions with the children tonight, I talked about how each of us embraces change differently and as they look around at their aunties and uncles, they will see that each of us are coping with the changes we are facing in different ways. Amy, Alesha and I will be the criers, Mel will be the doer, Tony will be the one who quietly processes. It will take us all a different route to move up beside the Father, but he knows the best route and understands the way he has made us.
We had a quiet afternoon at the house. Faith and I played Scrabble - a game I am convinced she likes simply because I play it - and chatted about what is changing. When we finished our Scrabble game, we looked through some pictures and then sat on the couch for a few minutes. She said to me, "Auntie, I want to play soccer but I want to be near you". This girl knows me so well. I don't play soccer. As I sent her on her way to play some soccer, I was touched by realizing that Faith's way of coping with change is going to be quality time. Time is truly the only thing I have to give her and I will give her as much as I can.
The days continue to move by at a rapid pace. As I finished this week's schedule, I realized that I only have one more schedule to make. Time will be over before I know it.
Dear Lord, help me to move through this change the best way I know how. Give me the strength to give to these babies of mine what they need to embrace this change, too. Thank you for pulling me closer to your side as I learn to walk in submission. Amen.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Day 16 - November 20
16. Done.
Today marked the 15 month anniversary of Choir 35 on tour. Today marked the last concert of Choir 35 on tour. Two monumental moments in the same day.
The other monumental moment today was that my boy, Reagan, turned 10. The best part was that he thought his birthday was tomorrow. This morning, after breakfast, I said happy birthday and he looked at me very puzzled and said his birthday is on November 20, tomorrow. No, Reagan, today is November 20. Big smile. Auntie, it is my birthday TODAY! Auntie, I am 10 years old. Hahaha. Poor kid. Waiting for his big day and then found out it WAS his big day. He's precious.
Tears only came 1 time today, right after the concert started. The moment when Reagan let go of my hand to follow Tony to the stage. For a brief moment, I was lost. But, I pulled it together, laughed and danced my way through this last concert and survived. One more last checked off the list. How many more? I don't think I have enough paper to make the list nor can I count that high.
Today marked the 15 month anniversary of Choir 35 on tour. Today marked the last concert of Choir 35 on tour. Two monumental moments in the same day.
The other monumental moment today was that my boy, Reagan, turned 10. The best part was that he thought his birthday was tomorrow. This morning, after breakfast, I said happy birthday and he looked at me very puzzled and said his birthday is on November 20, tomorrow. No, Reagan, today is November 20. Big smile. Auntie, it is my birthday TODAY! Auntie, I am 10 years old. Hahaha. Poor kid. Waiting for his big day and then found out it WAS his big day. He's precious.
Tears only came 1 time today, right after the concert started. The moment when Reagan let go of my hand to follow Tony to the stage. For a brief moment, I was lost. But, I pulled it together, laughed and danced my way through this last concert and survived. One more last checked off the list. How many more? I don't think I have enough paper to make the list nor can I count that high.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Day 17 - November 19
18 days to the end.
Wow.
My mind often finds its way back to the beginning and I wonder how 15 months has gone by so quickly. It has been wonderful to spend the last 3 days at our base house in North Carolina. Mirembe House. The place we longed for so many times on tour. The place we felt envy over everytime the other choirs got to go to Mirembe. House of Peace. And so it is. Amazingly peaceful. But, in the peacefulness, I find myself feeling the strain of saying good-bye. I find myself feeling the weight of letting go. I'm ready to go home, but I'm not ready to say good-bye. I'm ready to be in one place, but not ready to be in that place without my ACC family.
Today was a great day. I had a day off with Mel, Alesha and Tony. It started out with a massage (that was great even though it was painful...), lunch out at Red Robin, shopping, and more than that much laughter, good friends, and a little bit of quiet.
When we got back to the house, the best words ever were spoken. Deborah came to greet me and the first words she said were, "Auntie, where were you? I missed you", followed by a huge hug. Well, my dear girl, I missed you too. And I'm going to miss her more than I can even begin to tell her.
It's beginning. The tears without notice, the moments of lasts that I can't bear to let go of, hugs that I can't get enough of. I'm going to survive, but it's gonna take a while.
Wow.
My mind often finds its way back to the beginning and I wonder how 15 months has gone by so quickly. It has been wonderful to spend the last 3 days at our base house in North Carolina. Mirembe House. The place we longed for so many times on tour. The place we felt envy over everytime the other choirs got to go to Mirembe. House of Peace. And so it is. Amazingly peaceful. But, in the peacefulness, I find myself feeling the strain of saying good-bye. I find myself feeling the weight of letting go. I'm ready to go home, but I'm not ready to say good-bye. I'm ready to be in one place, but not ready to be in that place without my ACC family.
Today was a great day. I had a day off with Mel, Alesha and Tony. It started out with a massage (that was great even though it was painful...), lunch out at Red Robin, shopping, and more than that much laughter, good friends, and a little bit of quiet.
When we got back to the house, the best words ever were spoken. Deborah came to greet me and the first words she said were, "Auntie, where were you? I missed you", followed by a huge hug. Well, my dear girl, I missed you too. And I'm going to miss her more than I can even begin to tell her.
It's beginning. The tears without notice, the moments of lasts that I can't bear to let go of, hugs that I can't get enough of. I'm going to survive, but it's gonna take a while.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Day 18 - November 18
On July 17, 2009, I boarded a plane for Indiana to meet Choir 32. Now, on November 18, 2010, I have 18 days left until I say good-bye to Choir 35. Time has gone by so quickly. I still remember that first day of training and wondering if I would take to touring life.
I'm learning to let go, but fighting with all my being. Everything inside wants to hold on, but I know that isn't healthy. I'm trying to find balance between spending time and letting go. Not an easy place to be. I'm learning, but it is a long lesson. One that takes several weeks instead of several days. Perhaps, more like a bachelor's degree than a semester in high school.
18 more sleeps. Can I do it?
I'm learning to let go, but fighting with all my being. Everything inside wants to hold on, but I know that isn't healthy. I'm trying to find balance between spending time and letting go. Not an easy place to be. I'm learning, but it is a long lesson. One that takes several weeks instead of several days. Perhaps, more like a bachelor's degree than a semester in high school.
18 more sleeps. Can I do it?
Friday, November 12, 2010
Choices
A few days ago, we drove through a city called Denton, TX. Several years ago, I applied to get my masters degree in Choral Conducting at the University of North Texas in Denton. Circumstances that happened caused me to not go, nor did I pursue any other school for a similar program. I made a choice and looking back, it all brought me to this place with the African Children's Choir. If I had done more schooling, I would have followed a path much different than this one.
Choices. Everyday we make them. Sometimes they are made for us. Sometimes we agree, other times we don't. Sometimes we have the power to change them; sometimes, no matter how much we disagree, there is no power in our opinion, no power to change the decision.
I find myself wondering how you get to the point where when a decision is made, you accept it and move on; that you don't allow yourself to become caught up in the decision that really wasn't yours to make in the first place.
Choices. Everyday we make them. Sometimes they are made for us. Sometimes we agree, other times we don't. Sometimes we have the power to change them; sometimes, no matter how much we disagree, there is no power in our opinion, no power to change the decision.
I find myself wondering how you get to the point where when a decision is made, you accept it and move on; that you don't allow yourself to become caught up in the decision that really wasn't yours to make in the first place.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
One
Sitting in the quiet of a hotel room, I look over and sleeping soundly in the bed next to me are two very precious girls. As I look at them peacefully sleeping, I realize, yet again, how much I love these girls that God has placed in my care. Tonight as I hugged them goodnight, the older of the two held me tight around the neck and said how much she loved me. Then she squeezed with all her might. The younger one giggled, but didn't hold back her love either. As I tucked them in, we said our prayers and they both rolled over and in minutes, found their way to slumber. Tomorrow, when I wake them, I will get two more hugs, two more good mornings. 30 days from now, I will hug them one last time, wave as they go and cry just a little, even though I said I wouldn't. These beautiful girls...do they know how much I love them? Do they know that they will be missed? Do they know that this year with all its ups and downs has been wonderful simply because they were mine for just a little while?
Once, 10 became 12, 12 became 15, then 15 became 1.
One.
Once, 10 became 12, 12 became 15, then 15 became 1.
One.
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