And A Year Has Passed

Up.  Down.  

Happy.  Sad.  

Content.  Restless.  

Settled.  Anxious.  

Wishing.  Dreaming.  Hoping.  

Longing.

A year ago today, I said good-bye to my children.  It is so hard to believe a year has passed.  I look back on this year and feel as though I just said good-bye to them but a few short weeks ago.  I still remember their laughs, hugs, and smiles.  I see them as clearly now as I did a year ago.  I find myself wondering how shocking it will be when one day I see them and their laughter has changed, their smiles are bigger and their hugs are around my neck and not around my waist.  How strange will it be when in my memory, they are as they were when I waved farewell from the top of the escalator in Washington, DC?

It's strange now to say that I toured a year ago.  It is no longer a recent event.  The memories and experiences still live so deeply within me though, that they will always be a part of who I am.  The chaperones have become my family and closest friends.  The children are mine whether they are living with me on a bus or busy at school in Africa.  I will always cherish them.  I will always miss them.  I think of them everyday.

I miss the life of tour.  The community that traveled with you wherever you went, the joy that came from watching the children grow and learn, the laughter that we shared on a daily basis.  I even miss the struggles that came on tour.  It's so easy to forget my need to grow and thrive now that I am back in the routine of home and work.  Growth was such a part of tour because you didn't have a choice.  It's easy to choose not to grow when you aren't forced to be adaptable.  It's easy to walk away from conflict and not have to deal with things that life throws my way when I am no longer confined to a bus and living in close proximity continually.  It changed me deeply and I am forever grateful.

One day, I'll see my children again.  I can't wait to put my arms around them - no matter how much they've grown.