Cross that off the bucket-list

I did it.  I ran a half-marathon.  It took me 2hr 39min 12sec to do it, but I actually did it.  AND, I didn't come in last :).

Here's some proof! Thanks, Tandi, for the pics!

Still smiling!

Just breathe!

So close!

Done...and there is someone behind me

Inspired to be Motivated

I heard recently that people don't motivate, they inspire.  The speaker went on to say that inspiration is external, but motivation is internal.  I had never thought of this before and realized that I always likened motivation and inspiration to be somewhat the same. 

Motivation is defined as the reason or reasons one has for acting or behaving in a particular way.  It is the general desire or willingness of someone to do something.  However, inspiration is defined as an exalting influence, producing a feeling or thought in others. It means to fill or affect with a specified thought or feeling.

When comparing the definitions, I realized how true the first statement was.  Motivation comes from somewhere inside you, but often it is inspired and influenced by others.

I was thinking about this in terms of my motivation to run this upcoming half marathon.  I was inspired by a few people and that inspiration motivated me to not give up.  Had it not been for several people in my life, I would have quit this running thing months ago.  As it is, the half is in 3 days and although I'm a bit nervous, I'm ready.  I'm ready because I was inspired to not give up.  Kaia, Tandi, Shannon and Britt all gave me the inspiration I needed to continually motivate myself even when I didn't really want to.  They didn't motivate me.  I had to do that for myself.  However, it was their constant encouragement, their excellent suggestions, the crazy cleanse and even a kick in the pants now and again that helped me on this journey towards motivation.

I am grateful for their inspiration and because of it, I have found a mental and physical strength that I didn't know I possessed.  

Perhaps we shouldn't have motivational speakers, but inspirational ones, yes?

 

Stronger than I think I am...

I went for my 5 mile run/walk today and I have discovered that running is an exercise of the brain more than it is of the body.  No, I can't run 5 miles straight yet, but I can run a lot further than I think I can if I just get past the excuses. 

I can do this.  I can train to run a half marathon (did I mention that?  I'm running the RPS marathon in April) because it isn't about doing it all at once.  It's about the journey.

It's a hard and sweaty run, but it is worth it.  Each run gets a little bit easier and each time I get a little bit stronger mentally.  If I can maintain the consistency of my workouts, then I'll be ready when April comes because I'll have prepared for it.

I can do this.  I'm stronger than I think I am.

Nostalgia

I don't typically find New Years to be super nostalgic for me...generally that hits me in September when a new school year starts.  I think this year is probably different because of all the transition that has happened.  I've learned so much about myself, so many lessons that needed to be learned - some the hard way, some the easy way - but learned one way or the other.

I cleaned out my TV stand drawers and found my grade 12 grad video and my IBC grad video, so I decided to watch them...perhaps this is where that nostalgia comes from.  As I watched, I realized how quickly time has passed.  I graduated from high school almost 14 years ago!  Whoa!  Things certainly haven't gone the way I planned, but I've had so many wonderful opportunities that never would have happened if I had followed my own course.

The year I was at IBC, we had a choir for graduation.  As the music played (the cheesy synth shining through), I almost started to fast forward but decided it was worth a listen.  The chorus of the song was:

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When you can't see his plan
When you can't trace his hand
Trust his heart

This year has been hard in many ways.  Sometimes I try to find the tracing of where God's hand is leading me and I simply can't.  This song reminded me that I am not always going to have the ability to know where God is leading me, but if I trust the heart of God to be wise and good, then the path I will be on will be one of faithfulness.

A few lessons learned this year:

• Life is full of seasons, of joys and sorrows, letting go and holding on.
• Boundaries are good.  Set them.
• Honesty and faithfulness are keys to relationship. 
• Sometimes God says no.  We might not know the reason, but that's where trusting his heart is so key.
• I can't change the past.  
• Love deeply.  Loss comes and that is part of life, so don't withhold love even when it hurts.
• Worry ends where faith in God begins.  

I hope this year is filled with adventure.  I want to learn to rejoice in all things.  I hope that dreams will come true and God says yes. Not my will, but his be done.

Emmanuel - God with Us

Hope.  Emmanuel, God with us, brings us hope. 

On Sunday, Pastor Joel spoke about the reason Christ came to earth - to be Emmanuel, God with us.  In his birth, he came to earth to walk among humanity, to bring hope and love, to be close to us.

He came to bring redemption.

After service, I got to thinking about Christmas. The birth of Christ brought God to earth, but it doesn't stop there.  Christ on earth was only a short 30-some years.  Christ in spirit is forever.  If Christ's death hadn't happened, there would be no point to Christmas.  It made me wonder how different our world would be if we celebrated Christ's death with as much vigour and intensity as we celebrate his birth.  Months before Christmas, we put up our trees, light up our houses, put out our nativity sets and go on a spending spree that could feed an entire third world country.  Why do we not celebrate Christ's death and resurrection in the same way?  Christ's death meant that in 2011, his spirit could still be God with us.  Why don't we put up our crosses and crowns of thorns?  Where is the tomb with the stone rolled away that we put out to remind us of Christ's sacrificial death for our redemption of sins?  The picture isn't nearly a "pretty" as a baby wrapped lovingly in strips of cloth and laying in a manger full of hay.  But the message of redemption is so much greater.  The birth, although a miracle and a loving gesture from a King who left his throne, is nothing without the next chapter.  It's Christ's death and resurrection that truly makes his coming worth celebrating.

I am praying that this Christmas I will be mindful of the redemptive reason that Christ came - to be Emmanuel, God with us, here, now, always.

And A Year Has Passed

Up.  Down.  

Happy.  Sad.  

Content.  Restless.  

Settled.  Anxious.  

Wishing.  Dreaming.  Hoping.  

Longing.

A year ago today, I said good-bye to my children.  It is so hard to believe a year has passed.  I look back on this year and feel as though I just said good-bye to them but a few short weeks ago.  I still remember their laughs, hugs, and smiles.  I see them as clearly now as I did a year ago.  I find myself wondering how shocking it will be when one day I see them and their laughter has changed, their smiles are bigger and their hugs are around my neck and not around my waist.  How strange will it be when in my memory, they are as they were when I waved farewell from the top of the escalator in Washington, DC?

It's strange now to say that I toured a year ago.  It is no longer a recent event.  The memories and experiences still live so deeply within me though, that they will always be a part of who I am.  The chaperones have become my family and closest friends.  The children are mine whether they are living with me on a bus or busy at school in Africa.  I will always cherish them.  I will always miss them.  I think of them everyday.

I miss the life of tour.  The community that traveled with you wherever you went, the joy that came from watching the children grow and learn, the laughter that we shared on a daily basis.  I even miss the struggles that came on tour.  It's so easy to forget my need to grow and thrive now that I am back in the routine of home and work.  Growth was such a part of tour because you didn't have a choice.  It's easy to choose not to grow when you aren't forced to be adaptable.  It's easy to walk away from conflict and not have to deal with things that life throws my way when I am no longer confined to a bus and living in close proximity continually.  It changed me deeply and I am forever grateful.

One day, I'll see my children again.  I can't wait to put my arms around them - no matter how much they've grown.

A Rant from my Soap Box

I've been following the "Occupy Movement", especially since it has set up shop here at home.  I would first like to state that although I recognize the inequality that finances create, I do not agree with the basic premise of the Occupy Movement. 

Firstly, I am bothered by the fact that it is a "poor me" status that has taken over in North American protests.  If this movement was happening in Third World Countries, where society is unable to care for those in poverty, then I might be more supportive.  Here in Canada, we have so many programs available to those who need assistance.  And while I recognize that we are in a financial crisis in so many places, we are not without job opportunities.  I am not saying our system is perfect, I am saying that there are ways to get help.

Secondly, I was most recently bothered by the news of an 11 year old who has been sleeping and protesting in the park.  Why is an 11 year old not at school?  Here in Canada we have free education, a chance for that child to learn work ethic and begin to discover where his gifts lie.  Why is a child protesting in an adult debate?

Thirdly, I might not be rich, but everyday, I go to work and earn the money that I receive.  I work hard and live comfortably and do not feel that because I am not part of the 1% who happen to have a better business head than I, that I should be exempt from so many things.

Yes, I agree that equal taxation is needed.  I agree that too often we cater to those with money.  However, I don't agree that if they have worked hard for it, they shouldn't have it.

And lastly, if you get a fine for staying in the park and breaking a city bylaw, please do not come to my door asking for a donation to cover it.  I send my money to people who truly need help and support them through trusted organizations who are a making a difference.  Get a job and cover it yourself or get out of the park.