Choices

A few days ago, we drove through a city called Denton, TX. Several years ago, I applied to get my masters degree in Choral Conducting at the University of North Texas in Denton. Circumstances that happened caused me to not go, nor did I pursue any other school for a similar program. I made a choice and looking back, it all brought me to this place with the African Children's Choir. If I had done more schooling, I would have followed a path much different than this one.

Choices. Everyday we make them. Sometimes they are made for us. Sometimes we agree, other times we don't. Sometimes we have the power to change them; sometimes, no matter how much we disagree, there is no power in our opinion, no power to change the decision.

I find myself wondering how you get to the point where when a decision is made, you accept it and move on; that you don't allow yourself to become caught up in the decision that really wasn't yours to make in the first place.

One

Sitting in the quiet of a hotel room, I look over and sleeping soundly in the bed next to me are two very precious girls. As I look at them peacefully sleeping, I realize, yet again, how much I love these girls that God has placed in my care. Tonight as I hugged them goodnight, the older of the two held me tight around the neck and said how much she loved me. Then she squeezed with all her might. The younger one giggled, but didn't hold back her love either. As I tucked them in, we said our prayers and they both rolled over and in minutes, found their way to slumber. Tomorrow, when I wake them, I will get two more hugs, two more good mornings. 30 days from now, I will hug them one last time, wave as they go and cry just a little, even though I said I wouldn't. These beautiful girls...do they know how much I love them? Do they know that they will be missed? Do they know that this year with all its ups and downs has been wonderful simply because they were mine for just a little while?

Once, 10 became 12, 12 became 15, then 15 became 1.

One.

SURPRISE!!!

"Auntie, I see an African Children's Choir bus."

"AUNTIE, I SEE AN AFRICAN CHILDREN'S CHOIR BUS!!!!!!!!"

I look and look, but I don't see an African Children's Choir Bus, but wouldn't you know...the children were right. Suddenly, I could hardly contain myself. I looked at Rachel and said, "Rachel, for the truth, was there an African Children's Choir bus??" She looks at me with that little grin and I almost fall off my seat. For the truth, we are meeting Choir 37 and Rachel, Vic, Craig and David had planned this 'little' surprise for us. Now, you may be wondering why this is so wonderful, but let me tell you....meeting up with another choir doesn't happen everyday. AND when it does, it you might not know anyone else on that team. But for Choir 35, this was a reunion of mass proportions. Uncle Vic, Auntie Chelsea, Auntie Jackie and Auntie Laura all live on Village 4 and have carried the hearts of Choir 35 to Choir 37. Not to mention, Stella and Esther, our precious girls that are giving Choir 37 a hand for awhile. We go to park but there is a baseball game going on. Vic starts circling the block as Rachel follows him. I'm practically bouncing out of my seat. In my head, I'm yelling at Vic to hurry up and find a place to park.

Finally, we pull into the lot. I'm out of my seat waiting for Rachel to open the door. I see Chelsea. I can't get off the bus fast enough. I hug her for long minutes, so thankful to have my precious friend in my sights, if only for a brief moment.


Then, off the bus comes Laura. I can't hold myself back. I haven't seen my kindred spirit in over a year. This moment was so unexpected. I hug her with all my might. I have no words, just hugs.

Suddenly, I remember that there are a whole lot of other people, little people, swirling around us. Hugs from all directions, chaos ensues as Choir 35 meets Choir 37, some of them seeing other children that they went to school with or maybe knew from church. Rogers finds his cousin Bob and his best friend Joshua. He is so excited. Laura and I link arms as the children settle down. "Let's walk", we say. I'm excited to meet her kiddos, but I'm more excited to see her, to talk, to laugh, to catch up. Ah, even as I type, I'm remembering the wonderful feeling it was to have her there.

I can't think of a more beautiful surprise. I loved seeing Choir 37's bus, chatting with Vic like we used to, hearing Chelsea's laugh, watching our kids make friends with people who know just what tour is like. I couldn't be more grateful for that hour. It was a lift to my spirit, a smile to hold in my heart. These memories, they won't be forgotten.

Where does my passion lie?

What do I love? What am I passionate about? These last few days have found me thinking about what it is I want to do when tour ends. I have two months to think about it, but I'm realizing that time passes so quickly. I want to seek God now before I turn into a frantic mess at the end of tour.

I'm taking a passion inventory. I sat myself down to think of what I love the most and where I hope that will take me. I miss conducting more than I ever thought possible. I REALLY hope that in God's plan, there will be something to do with choral music. Is there a way to incorporate conducting into ministry? Should I be looking at teaching internationally? Should I look at getting my masters so that I can teach at a Bible College? Or maybe there will be a ministry that calls me to work with youth but I can conduct on the side? I have no idea - at least not about the specifics. I do know that not conducting this year has been very hard. I really do love it. Not singing this year has also been very hard. I love worship and its role of ministry. However, I don't feel the calling to be a music minister, so I think that is out.

I am passionate about education. You may not know it from the way this year has been going, but I really miss being in the classroom. My one day of teaching the children English made me realize how much I have missed using that skill. I'm guessing that finding a way to incorporate teaching will be much easier than finding a way to incorporate conducting, but if I believe that God knows my passions, then it shouldn't really be an issue.

I am passionate about fulfillment. I don't want to live a life of mediocrity. This year on the road has shown me that God's will creates a sense of fulfillment. If there is one word I rarely use on tour, it is that I'm bored. I'm not bored. Although tour has become routine, I'm not bored in that routine. There is still so much happening and God teaches me so much every day that there isn't time to be bored. I have many dreams that I pray will be fulfilled and I believe that in God's plan for me they will be.

Still so many questions, still very few answers, and yet, I think in God's time, it will happen. He will look down on me and say, "Yes, Stacy. That's what I want. Good job at listening to my voice. This won't be easy, but it will fulfill my purpose in your life."

Seek ye first the kingdom of God
And His righteousness
And all these things will be added unto you
Hallelujah

Alaska

For the last 5 weeks, we have been hanging out in Alaska. We started in Northern Alaska in Fairbanks, then spent a bit of time in the Anchorage area before heading down to Southeast Alaska. These last 5 weeks have been great. We have been blessed over and over by our churches here, always amazed by their generosity and hospitality. Our stops in Southeast Alaska included Skagway (a beautiful little town), Haines, Juneau, Sitka (Auntie Jackie's home church), and our last stop for a week in Ketchikan. We have been enjoying the ferry rides, have seen several whales and porpuses, loved the scenery, and of course enjoyed lots of together time. Here are a couple of my favourtie pictures from Alaska! Enjoy :)Rogers and I on the ferry

Peace and Priscillah playing cards

Reagan and I hanging out at the beach

Ruthie and I at a church

James holding ice from the Mendenhall Glacier

The choir at the top of Mt. Roberts in Juneau

Me at Auntie Jackie's church in Sitka

Quiet

Soothing

Rejuvenating

Enjoyable

Thought allowing

Secret telling

Peaceful

Quiet

I love the quiet. I don’t need to be in active conversation all the time with someone. I don’t need a constant noise surrounding me. I can sit in a car with someone for 30 minutes and have only brief snippets of conversation and not feel uncomfortable. Quiet is nice. Quiet tells me we aren’t feeling that awkward need for random conversation. When I feel the need to talk, it is because of the awkwardness the OTHER person seems to be feeling about the quiet. I enjoy the quiet to allow my mind time to process all that is going on around me, to think through the day, or to simply enjoy the quiet.

We are staying at Auntie Jackie's church in Sitka, AK for 5 nights (kinda uncommon to have a 5 night stay) and I have set myself up in the little nursery. When I stop to think about where I'm sleeping, it makes me laugh and a few weeks from now, I'll be missing these nursery sleeps. Anyway, I enjoy the quiet I find in the church nursery when bedtime rolls around. After the busyness of the day, I'm grateful for a place to have quiet - a few moments to let my mind rest before falling asleep, a place to wake up and let my mind begin the day in a few moments of quiet. I wonder how I'll feel when I get home and find myself surrounded by quiet. Will I still crave it just as much?

For now, I will enjoy the quiet. I will embrace the noise too, but I'll be grateful for moments of solitude - even in the church nursery.

Denial

I want to live in denial.

Surely the ending of this story isn’t coming.

Good-bye can’t really be as close as it feels.

Denial would be easiest but I have been trying to give myself doses of reality in hopes that the ending won’t be nearly as hard as I’m anticipating. There are 3 months left of tour. I can’t believe it. Soon, this life I am leading will be over and I’m not sure I’ll know what to do with myself.

Soon, I won’t have 21 hugs every morning. I won’t be wondering how to be a good parent. There won’t be moments of laughter when the children speak “Egyptian” or when we almost bounce out of our seats on the highway. I won’t be on call anymore…I wonder if I’ll sleep. The children really won’t be mine anymore since I’ll no longer be their legal guardian. I won’t laugh with Deborah, cuddle with Priscillah, play fight with Faith, chase after Reagan, dance with Grace, cook with James, sing with Ritah, joke with Charity, talk with Brian, be Rogers’ bag check…

The people that I have spent more time with in the last 12 months than anyone else in my whole life will no longer be just a bus seat away. No longer will I turn around from my seat at the front to see the people who have become my world this past year. After a year on the road, I know how things go, how we work as a team, the things that make tour life rough and the little things that restore joy. Somehow, knowing that I’ll be starting over at home makes leaving that behind that much harder.

In 3 months, this life of tour will just be a memory. Something I once did that was different than the norm. In my 30 years, this has easily been one of the best years of my life. Will there be another year like this, or 30 years from now will I look back and think this was still one of the best years of my life? One year from now, will I miss it or be glad that it is over?

Perhaps denial is better.