Sitting in a Mud Puddle

It's so nice to know that I have a friend who will sit in a mud puddle with me.

I have a friend that I can be really open with. She, in turn, can be really open with me. Sometimes, she lets me help her carry her burdens and afterwards asks me why I'm her friend. I tell her it's because we all have messes...she says hers are bigger. I tell her it doesn't matter that my mess is a pond and her mess is a lake. It's still a mess.

I'm just glad that when I sit in my mud puddle, she joins me. It's so much easier when someone will sort through the mud with you. Somewhere in the mud, there is a gem.

And...for your amusement...a little poem about mud puddles (written by Dennis Lee)

I am sitting in the middle of a rather muddy puddle
With my bottom full of bubbles and my rubbers full of mud

While my jacket and my sweater go on slowly getting wetter
As I very slowly settle to the bottom of the mud

And I find that what a person with a puddle 'round his middle
Thinks of mostly in the muddle is the muddiness...OF MUD!!

Hi, my name is Stacy and I have a problem

"Just one?", you say...wow, that's a bit delusional...well, no. I actually have more than one, probably 2 for sure, but one that I think is the root of all others problems. I have given this considerable thought and I really believe overcoming this will be key to overcoming many others.

So here it is - I struggle with insignificance. And now you're thinking, "doesn't everyone?". Well, I'm sure they do to a degree, but lately this feeling of insignificance has been invading every corner of my world. I feel it in my relationships, in my job, in my family. I find myself constantly questioning where I belong and what I'm to do. I'm turning over every rock trying to discover where I will hold significance. At this moment, I feel as though I could just pick up and move and although there may be a void for a while, someone else would easily step in and fill that place - with more significance than I ever did.

To be significant means to carry meaning. It is the extent to which something matters. I'm not feeling like my life carries any meaning. I merely feel that I am existing.

In my job, I constantly feel like I am working so someone else will have it easier when they return. I'm not working to do things the best they can be for me, but the best they can be for someone else. I feel as though I'm not really doing anything that produces significance for the now or for later. I'm holding a place so that when that person returns, they will return to their place of significance.

I find myself questioning my place within my family. I'm just one person, moving along while the rest of the family is changing, molding, renewing, engaging. Where do I fit?

I feel insignificant in my relationships. I'm struggling with making connections because I see that the gifts I offer to those people are already being given by someone else. They don't need me. And although I might need them, I struggle to find a way to make that known.

I like a boy...no, let me rephrase that...I like a man. Saying boy makes it feel less intimidating. I would like to get to know him more, to find out if this friendship could turn into something else, but I won't step out and say it simply because I feel as though I won't bring anything significant to his life, even though he might bring significance to mine.

How does a person find out where their value lies? My head knows things that my heart cannot grasp. My head cannot convince my heart.