Fear

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything through prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to the Lord.  And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus." Phillipians 4:6-7

Fear is a funny thing.  Often it is irrationally rationalized and the end result is that paralyzing realization that you are missing out, only you've left your decision so long that there is nothing you can do about it.

Fear is what stops me from having conversations that need to be had, from taking leaps of faith, and from discovering new and wonderful things.

I find myself wondering what would happen if I applied for the jobs I'm finding in Ontario and BC and just left this place.  What am I so afraid of?  What if instead of backing down from that really hard conversation, I spoke up and learned a little bit more about who I am, what I stand for and how to graciously and lovingly share what's on my heart even if it hurts for a moment?  What if I gave people that benefit of the doubt and realized that they do truly want to know my heart?

What if I realized that the twisted feeling in my stomach would go away and my pounding heart would slow if I would just learn to step out?  It must get easier with each time you decide to let faith overpower fear.

What if I truly believed that God's plan for my life was greater than my own and that if I just stop to listen, I'd know where my next step would be planted?  What if I let go of the control I hold onto for fear of not knowing what's coming?  What kind of amazing places would I visit, how many amazing people would I meet and how much would God's grace overpower that fear that holds me back?

Please winter, go away!

Two years ago, I posted an "Ode to an April Snow Day" here.  I think I forgot that the snow lasted so long because last year spring was glorious.

A friend of mine wrote on her facebook that we should be looking for Narnia's White Witch as it seems she has taken over Saskatchewan.  We've set record snow falls this year and for the last two days have broken records for the coldest night.  Isn't that wonderful?  Oh right, no, it isn't.  But, there is a bright side...

Thank you, Eeyore, for reminding me that it could be worse.

This is what happens when it is melting and freezing at the same time and your rain gutter gets packed with ice...

The really big one finally fell off. I'm sad I didn't get his picture. His name was Frank. I broke the rest of them off today with my shovel. They'll be back tomorrow. Sigh. Please winter, go away!

Cherish the Small Things

I pulled out my book from tour today. It's filled with memories - funny things the children said, pictures, reflections from days off, funny incidents that happened - but the most cherished parts are the notes from my children. It has been more than 2 years since I finished tour and yet I can still remember those times like it just happened. I remember where the notebooks came from or the cards. I remember the host family that bought the colouring books which were coloured with care and then given to the aunties and uncles. As I read through the notes the children wrote, I couldn't help but wish that I had realized then how special they would be now. I kept almost all of them. Drawings and scripture, notes that need to be translated because they weren't very good at spelling yet, to notes that are filled with beautiful words that show me not only how much they learned, but how much they developed as people. My children wrote notes without prompting. They were always asking to draw a picture in my book. It is as though even then they realized that I would need the memory to look back on.

Tour life was not easy.  But, it was the most rewarding experience. I treasure all the little things that are stored in my memory.  I love that I have notes now from my visit to Africa.  They have grown and developed new skills, but I can still see the loving, thoughtful children they were on tour as they grow up in Kenya and Uganda.  The beautiful children that kicked the back of my seat and sometimes made me want to pull out my hair in frustration have shaped so much of who I am and it was looking back at these little keepsakes that reminded me to not take the little things for granted - but also to remember that what seems so insignificant at the time can mean so much later on.  Sometimes I forget that now that I'm home. What can I do for others that may seem insignificant but will truly be cherished?

Notes from Priscillah and Ritah