Thursday, February 27, 2014

Theatre - my newest love!

Over the last several years I have gotten involved with my local theatre community - and you know what I discovered? I love it!

As a high school student, I always wanted to be involved in our productions, but I was painfully shy and lacked any sort of self-confidence.  I would go to auditions and freeze, never receiving a part, but always working backstage or on the costume team.  I struggled so much during my high school years because I was so worried about what people would think.  I'm grateful that I've grown out of that in so many ways as an adult.  It's taken a few years, but I've finally come to understand that there are areas that simply make me who I am and no amount of trying is going to change it.  It's funny to me that we always want to change the things we can't and never work to change the things we can...

I realized in my new burst of marathon training that I'm doing this so that I can be a better performer.  I am not going to be 100 lbs and size 0, but from my training, I've developed greater stamina, breath control, and a power to my singing voice I didn't know I had, I can dance (rather I can move in some sort of rhythm that looks a little like dance) and sing at the same time for a longer duration, and I'm starting to tone and shape - all great areas to have improved for the stage.

There is a big production coming up and I'd love a role in it.  I'm recognizing there are things I can do and change to help make that a reality.  Not just in exercise of the body, but of my voice and my mind.

I've also discovered how much I love music directing for shows.  My next venture is chorus-master for Fiddler on the Roof.  It has such great music and I'm looking forward to working with a large ensemble, knowing how many wonderfully talented people will be working with me.

Community theatre is amazing.  So many treasure chests of talent that you would never know existed.  Community theatre uncovers all sorts of hidden gems.  Go to your local community theatre productions and you will be amazed at what you find.  You don't need to go to New York to discover good theatre.  Chances are it is practically in your backyard!

Monday, January 13, 2014

Strength from the struggle

Wrapped tightly in its woven, silk cocoon, a caterpillar begins to change into a butterfly.  If released too quickly from its chrysalis, it doesn't have the strength in its wings to fly.  It takes the struggle of breaking through the cocoon to move the necessary fluid into the butterfly's wings so that they will be strong enough to fly.  Without the struggle, the butterfly can't emerge from the protective shell and the timing of the release, although unknown in length, is vital to the butterfly's survival.

It's so easy to give up in the struggle.  It's tempting to wrap up in a protective cocoon and just let the world slip by unnoticed.  It's easier when I feel weak to simply give in and say that I am not strong.  I want to learn to be like the butterfly.  I want to fight through the struggle, not knowing where it will end, but knowing that something beautiful will emerge at the end.

The struggle to be disciplined, the struggle to be patient, the struggle to be faithful - all of this produces in me a strength that I don't recognize until I burst out of the chrysalis and discover that my wings are strong enough to carry me.

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Wishes

Periodically I like to go back and look at my blog posts - sometimes I forget what I've written and as I'm on holidays, today seemed like a good day to do it.  I read a blog I wrote from tour and realized how true it still is.  So many wishes.  Today, it is 3 years since I moved back into my house.  When I wrote the previous post, I had 3 months left of tour.  Funny how the circumstances change, but the wishes do not.  Funny how in 2010, I was wishing that my brain would shut down enough for sleep and I'm still wishing that in 2014...I'm thinking I may be stuck wishing for that one to happen.  These are still my wishes for a new year, new season, fresh journey.

Here it is, exactly as I wrote it on August 29, 2010.

I wish that life was fair.

I wish that life was balanced.

I wish that I understood the small things.

I wish that I could tell my mind to stop thinking long enough for sleep.

I wish that my children would know they are loved. By me.


I wish that I would know my children love. Love me.


I wish that the world was just a little bit smaller.


I wish that the world was just a little bit bigger.


I wish that I understood the generosity of many.


I wish that I understood the ignorance of few.


I wish that I could glimpse the future.


I wish that I could change the past.


I wish that love wasn't so elusive.


I wish that hope would be longer felt.


I wish that joy could be everlasting.


I wish that emotions could be more controlled.


I wish that I could be more understanding.


I wish that communication wasn't so demanding.


I wish that understanding wasn't so hard.


I wish that forgetting could be easier.


I wish that remembering could be longer.


I wish that endings didn't happen, but that beginnings still came.

Thursday, January 2, 2014

I need to get away...from myself

I think too much.  I think about what I said, what I didn't say, what I'm glad I said but wish I had said differently, what I did, what I didn't do, what I wish I had done differently.  Seriously - I need a vacation from myself.  I need a break from my brain which refuses to shut off.  I need a break from the constant dialogue in my head.  I don't know how to make it go away.  I keep my thoughts very close to myself - partially because I'm not very good at articulating them, partially because I find it hard to share what is going on in my mind because after I do, I'll think about it for days.

I'm on vacation from work and although it has in many ways been wonderful, I'm going back to work as tired as I was when I left.  Totally defeated the purpose of this vacation.

I wish I knew what to do to make this constant thought process stop.  It's going to drive me insane.