Seussical

For the past three months, I have done something I never before thought I'd do...I was in a musical. AND it was soooo much fun. I've learned so much about myself, made new friends, discovered a talent I didn't know I had, dressed up like a bird, danced, and I'm sure there are more, but that's enough.

The show was called "Seussical" and is based on stories by Dr. Seuss. I was part of the bird girls, noted in the script as "a flamboyant bird group". The plot has two story lines (kind of). There is the story of Horton who is trying to save the tiniest planet of Who and his little friend JoJo, and there is the story of Gertrude loves Horton, but he just doesn't notice her...of course he does in the end! What kind of story would it be if Horton and Gertrude didn't fall in love in the end?!

I seem to be a bit sentimental lately, but this musical has shown me some things about myself and has actually taught me a lesson through the somewhat bizarre plot. I will share that another day. Right now, it is rumbling around in my head.

Off to the second last show I go!

Taking Inventory

About a month ago, I was feeling a bit down in the dumps...several incidents had happened and I really felt low about myself. I wrote a long, rambling e-mail to Janine and just poured out all that was on my heart. She wrote back to me the following words, "It is good to look at where we are at and ask ourselves if there is anything more we think we could be doing/need to be doing to improve who we are inside and out. That's ok...to ask the Lord that but to be satisfied in who He has created us to be...the things that can't change, that He doesn't want to change, that He intended to be a certain way". Man, did that hit home. I always want to change things that are unchangeable. So, I decided to take inventory of myself...characteristics I like, characteristics I wish I could change. There are certain aspects of my personality that can be very good, but that can also be detrimental. So here is the list I came up with:



1) I am very affectionate and always have been. I communicate through touch and know that. It is sometimes difficult for me to be conscious of the fact that being affectionate in this day and age is not always an option. As a teacher, I need to be very careful if I place a hand on a students shoulder or if I touch their arm as they walk away when I'm speaking with them...it can have disaterous effects.



Now giving affection doesn't seem so bad, but on the flipside, it is a problem that I crave it back. I live on my own, am a single gal...so I don't receive affection on a daily basis. This can truly be a problem for me. More on that later...



2) I am impatient! I don't like to wait. I don't like to keep others waiting, which means I am often impatient with myself. I don't pray for more patience because I assume that means that I will have more trying things placed in my life...no thanks! I figure that can be the last fruit of the Spirit I work on.



3) I'm a complainer. This is the number one thing on my list to change. I don't like being a complainer and since I've taken inventory, I've realized just how bad it has become. I have a great life, wonderful friends, a cute little house, a car that works, family who love me, and a job (even if I don't love it, at least it pays the bills, so why do I complain about it?). I am working at being thankful, because in my mind if I am thankful, then there will be no need to complain. I'm working on it...



4) I'm a peacemaker. I don't particularly like confrontation. However, I have discovered that sometimes confrontation is inevitable and really is part of the process of communication. Does this mean I want to be a fighter?? NO! It just means I need to understand that it will happen and how will I react when it does? You can't always just walk away.



5) I am loyal...I am loyal to the point that people can walk all over me and I'll not say a word. If we are friends, I will stand there and take it. I think this can go back to confrontation. I like to be at peace with the people around me, so I think that by being loyal, there will be no confrontation. It's a vicious cycle. Dictionary.com defines "loyal" as...being characterized by or showing faithfulness to. I am faithful...like a sweet puppy. How wonderful for me (please note the sarcasm...). Now, please understand, I know that loyalty is an awesome quality. I know it is part of the fabric of my being, BUT everyone has a limit and I must find mine.



6) I am talented...but I often compare my talents to others. I am beginning to recognize that the talents God gave me are to be used. If all I do is compare them to others, but I don't develop them, then they will be wasted. I'm working on this. I'm singing in a musical, which I never thought I'd do. It has been so fun and such a huge learning experience. I would say that it is one of the best memories I have made. It has been challenging, frustrating, fun, exciting...I've made great new friends, I feel like I fit in....that's super special. I'm playing piano more now than I ever have before. I am getting more confident about accompanying myself. I never thought I would do that. More on that later, too...



I will save the rest of my thoughts for another day...it is time to go to said musical! Break a leg :)

Why will I ramble?

I'm not the journaling type, nor do I really expect anyone to read this...however, in order for me to write down and sort out my thoughts, I must make it as though there will be an audience. I don't believe there will be any audience but myself, but at least I will be able to put down some of the thoughts that are rambling around in my head.

I originally wanted to call the blog "the ramblings of a lonely heart" but lonely didn't seem like the right word. After much thought, I realized it is actually the ramblings of a longing heart. There are so many things my heart is longing for and so many areas that I long to see changed, established, improved, or removed - really, just so many longings. So there you have it, "the ramblings of a longing heart" is what it shall be.

There will be no research, possibly a few quotes from unpublished people, maybe even some things that are inspirational, but really it will just be me, rambling. Which I seem to do quite well.

I'll see where this takes me...maybe it will make me a better person, a better thinker, a better analyser or maybe it will just help to relieve me of some of the thoughts in my head that I hold for so long because there is just no one who wants or really cares to know. This will be my listening companion.