This is what I know...

Our first week of Christmas camp is drawing to a close and I've discovered some things about myself over the last few days - some good, some bad. It is interesting to be in the setting we are. We are a 10 minute drive from the edge of the nearest town, so since we have arrived at camp, we really have just been here. For the first few days, except for a few of the workers, we were out here all on our own.
So, here is what I know...

I've realized that I love familiarity. We've become comfortable in our surroundings and it is now familiar. I'm glad that we will have another week of time here to rest, do school and rehearsals, and just have a break. I've been very glad for the downtime and I think our schedule has allowed for a break for each of the chaperones without one person feeling like they bear the weight of duty.

I've realized that I am not good at play. The beginning of our break was mostly play. The children have loved it, but even they are tired! Benson came beside me today just before supper and laid his head on my shoulder. As I hugged him, I asked if he was tired. He turned his head towards me and yawned..."oh yes, Auntie. I am ready for bed!". The children have played soccer for hours, coloured, played games, wrestled and pretty much tired themselves out. I can only play for so long before I need a break. My imagination isn't made to play dolls for hours or run around a soccer field. I'm not good at it. I try to be and I think I'm getting better, but it does not come naturally to me.

I do well in change when I anticipate it, but I don't do well when it comes at me without warning. When I am given a schedule, I like it to stay that way. I don't like when the schedule changes simply due to lack of communication.

Intimate friendships are hard for me. I have thoughts to share, but I don't share them lightly. I haven't had a deep face-to-face conversation in 4 months. I've listened as part of a deep conversation, but I don't engage in it.

I like to have a purpose. I think I've done dishes after most of the meals and I enjoy it. Part of me realizes that I can be more of a Martha than a Mary and I need to work on that, but I also think that those are ways in which I show love. What I need to work at is finding a good balance of work and interaction.

I miss church. I miss my church. I miss the people that I worshiped with. I miss Pastor Dave's sermons that so often hit right where my heart needed it. We are church. This past Sunday we got to just go to church. No concert, no promotion, just church attenders. It was so great. I am glad that we will get to do it again next Sunday.

On a different note, I miss Vic. We are a different team without him. He is the emulsifier that mixes the water and oil together. I miss his perspective. I'm glad he'll be back.

Christmas was great. As I reflect back on this year, I can't believe how much has happened. 2009 was a great year and this has been a wonderful way to end.