The Inability to Change - the great myth

I want to change. I want to be better. I want to make a difference.

However...I don't think I can. It's a great myth that I have carried around for years and years. I wear it like a cloak of security when I try to change and I don't. It's the best excuse around. I tried to change, but I couldn't. It must be naturally ingrained in my being.

I could change. I have come to the conclusion that I don't want to. David wrote, "create in me a new heart, oh God". Change doesn't come from me...it comes from the Lord, but I have to willingly allow him to work on my heart.

I'm not just saying I want to change inwardly. There are lots of things I want to do differently. I want to be a better recycler. I want to be a better eater. I want to have the discipline to exercise regularly (and believe me, it isn't because I don't have the time...I just choose not to). I want to do my dishes more regularly and weed my garden. I want to use my time better and not feel like I leave everything to the last minute. I want to pursue knowledge and be a better musician. All this takes work and change.

I have come to the realization of something. God gives us choices. He lays before us a path that he would like us to follow, but he won't force it on us. He lets us choose. If I come to that path and say, "No thanks, God", he doesn't force it on me. He may constantly remind me of that path and eventually the gentle prodding will make me realize that I should have taken it, but he won't just arbitrarily pick me up and place me on it. Even in the little things - such as recycling. I have a choice, but it's my choice whether or not I do it.

I want to be willing to change and grow. I want to know that when I look back on this year that I'll be proud of myself for growing or overcoming or opening myself up to a new lesson. I can't do that if I refuse to change.