Cryfest 2009

Yesterday was my last day at Thom. My teaching friends and I had been kinda joking for the last few weeks about Cryfest 2009 - although we all knew it would end up being true. It is hard to say good-bye to friends, especially when you see them everyday.

I did pretty good until the staff meeting. Then the speeches started and I could hardly control myself. Some of my friends have been transferred to different schools and I am leaving, so our core group is being split. Once the staff meeting was over, I managed to compose myself and had a great time at Leah's, just hanging out. I went for supper with my dad and then headed back to Leah's for the rest of the evening. I was doing pretty good until it came time to say good-bye to Gail. How do you say good-bye to the person you have spent every weekday with for 8 months? My eyes were filled with tears from the moment she started getting ready to head out.

I could not have asked for a better colleague. Gail and I worked so well together. But more than that, we were friends. Good friends. We talked about everything, laughed more than most people do with their co-workers, shared tears, dreams and frustrations. We were a great team and I will miss working with her. I will miss hanging out in the office. I will miss my friend.

I haven't said good-bye to Monique yet, so it is possible that Cryfest 2009 will have a part two, but I'm trying not to think about that right now.

So, one journey is over and another is just beginning. It's funny how change can be so exciting, yet so sad all at the same time. I'm so excited to start my position with the African Children's Choir. It's going to be a great adventure, full of challenges and rewards. It's a great change, but that doesn't mean what I'm leaving behind wasn't great too. I love teaching and I love my friends and I'm sure that when I finish my time with the ACC I'll have the same mixed feelings of emotion.

One year

Well, I've been blogging for a whole year...I'm amazed at how much I actually like it. I'm a bit sporadic and not always thought provoking, but I do definitely enjoy it. I like to go back and read my blogs. Sometimes I don't agree with what I wrote, sometimes I agree more than ever.

It's neat to see the progression of the journey. I'm not a journal writer by nature, but I'm finding typing to be kind of therapeutic. I think it is because I can go back and read what I wrote and fix. I like knowing that I can process the thoughts and not have them all scribbled out. Must be the OCD in me :)

So, happy 1 year to me. May it be followed by many more.

Lonely

I had a special concert tonight. The last one with my students. There were a lot of people there, but no one just for me. Tough to face some stuff by yourself...

Change with the times?

I read a comment the other day that said Christianity should be changing with the times. That really made me stop and think. How would it be possible for Christianity to "change with the times" without fundamentally changing Christianity?

I think the reason that Christianity has stayed so consistent throughout time is that we worship an unchanging God. We don't worship a God who's mood changes with the seasons or that is dependent upon the stars. We worship a God that is consistent, unchanging.

John 3:16 says, "God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believes in him should not perish but have everlasting life". The fundamental belief of Christianity is that God sent his son into the world to save the world. How is it possible to change that cornerstone and not change Christianity? If the solid belief of the church is that Christ came to die for us, then we cannot change with the times unless we change our foundation. God knew that giving human beings choice would create a measure of havoc, but he also had a way for us to overcome that. His son.

I think the verse that follows John 3:16 is perhaps even more important, but much less quoted. John 3:17 says "For God did not send his son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through him might be saved". The foundation of Christianity is not condemnation, but salvation. A church that doesn't preach God's salvation has already changed with the times. If we water down the message of Christianity, then we might as well not have Christianity at all.

I go through moments of ups and downs in my walk with the Lord. When I am being stretched and pulled in so many directions, I wonder how I will ever stay strong in my beliefs. There are so many options in our world, so many choices that seem like a "good" choice. I know that the power to stand only comes from one place - the power of God that has been given room to grow in my life. Power that God gives because I choose to place my belief in him.

I don't want Christianity to change with whatever wind happens to be blowing through society. I want the foundation of Christ to always be evident through the church. Yes, the way we do church may change - the songs we sing, the instruments we use, the way we take our offering - but the foundation of Christ must always remain. The knowledge that the only way to the Father is through is his son must always be in the forefront of who we are and what we do. If we lose that, we lose our purpose. We lose our passion.

Hurry up! Slow down!

I want time to move quickly because I can't wait for this journey with the African Children's Choir to begin and yet, I want it to slow down so that I can cherish some of the new blessings in my life that will be put on hold. There is a bit of a tug-of-war happening in my life.


It is interesting to be in a place of change that you know will not last forever. I have begun putting my house in order, deciding what to keep and what to get rid of. I will only be gone a year, so I don't want to get rid of a lot of things, but there are items in my home that I never use, so now would be a good time to purge. I don't own much in terms of monetary value, but much of what I own has sentimental value. What do I do with all that stuff?

The other area that has been difficult is friendships. I'm still forming so many great friendships and it's so hard to know that in a few months these new friendships that have blossomed will be put on hold. I worry that it will be hard to find those relationships again.

I'm really learning that even though change is good, change is not easy. Letting go is freeing, but it takes me time to get to the place to do it. I will and I can, but it is a process. A mix of emotions to go through, but I know that this is all part of the journey and all part of the lesson that God wants me to learn through it.

Reality Hits

So, over the last few weeks, I've started to make plans for things happening in the future only to realize that I'm not going to be here. I mean, I know that I'm not going to be around for a year, but sometimes I forget.

Today, I went for a walk with Monique and we got talking about the Globe Theatre and next season's line-up. Peter Pan is coming and so is A Doll's House - both shows I'd like to see. "Let's go", we say. "Sounds great", I say. "Wait a second...I can't go". "Why not?", says Monique. "I won't be here"....oh ya.

I'm super excited about going with the African Children's Choir, but it still feels a bit like a dream. I don't think reality will really hit until I'm on a bus or on a plane. Or maybe when my house is rented and I don't have a car...ya, that might be it.

All good things, but all reminders that I'll be gone. Weird. Cool, but weird.

Presentation->Perception->Reaction

This may be confusing...it is a jumbled mess in my head right now and seems to make sense, but I don't know if I have the words to get it out. I'm going to give it my best...

I've been thinking a lot about the way that I perceive things and the way that my perception of something leads to my reaction to it. I really began to wonder why we perceive things the way we do and I realized that, at least in part, it really has to do with the way something is presented. If an idea is presented negatively, even though it might be the greatest thing on earth, the perception of that will be negative and so will the reaction. If another idea is presented positively, even though it might be the worst thing on earth, the perception of that will be positive and so will the reaction. That's why we have fraud. People can present bad things in a good way.

I've been thinking particularly of Paul's letters to the various churches. I wish I could have seen their reactions to Paul's words. Even though there are times when he is being very direct about their problems, there is a sense of truth filled with love. I'm sure not all the perceptions of what Paul had to say were positive and ended with a positive reaction, but I would guess that most of what he said was taken to heart - knowing that it was spoken in love with much grace.

In Galations, Paul is chastising the church for falling away so quickly and being so ready to accept another gospel. I would think that the "other" gospel being presented was being shown in a beautiful light and so the Galations perception was that it was good. Because it was good, they reacted to it positively. Therein lies the problem. I wonder if many of the problems that the Galation church faced were caused by this "other" gospel. Had they moved so far beyond what they had been taught that they had lost the fundamentals of what it meant to follow Christ? Galations is a tough book. Paul points out many areas where the Galations had fallen, yet even in that, there is grace behind his words. In Galations 5, Paul thanks the brothers for their previous concern for him and reminds them of the joy they had in that. He tells them how worried he is about them and even warns them of the change of tone that is coming in the remainder of the letter. Presentation can generate the perception, which can generate the reaction.

I thought for a long time that I couldn't change the way people perceived my words or my actions and that I couldn't influence their reaction to the perception. I was wrong. I can to a degree and it comes from being aware of the presentation.

On the flip side, I also must be aware of others presentation and know that my perception and reaction can be held in check if I am making the effort to understand.

I've also discovered that you must be careful in the way you present things to different people. If I know that the person I am presenting to has a sensitive nature, then I must be sensitive in my presentation. If I know, on the other hand, that the person is more thick skinned, then perhaps my presentation can be more blunt. But the key to this is making sure that your presentation is done with love and grace, regardless of the tone in which it is delivered.

Now, to this point, I've only been talking about words, but presentation can also come through actions. I must guard my actions to be sure that what I am presenting is God-honouring and therefore will be perceived as such and the reaction to that will be God-honouring. In the same way, I must make sure that I stop to think about how I perceive things and that my reaction to someone else's presentation is God-honouring. It is so easy to only think about the presentation and not worry about your own perception.

I'm working on this. I want people to perceive what I do and say in the way it was intended and I want what I do and say to be filled with love and grace. You can say the tough stuff with love. Then the perception and reaction will be taken with grace.

That's the difference. Truth with love. Truth with grace.