Hope. Emmanuel, God with us, brings us hope.
On Sunday, Pastor Joel spoke about the reason Christ came to earth - to be Emmanuel, God with us. In his birth, he came to earth to walk among humanity, to bring hope and love, to be close to us.
He came to bring redemption.
After service, I got to thinking about Christmas. The birth of Christ brought God to earth, but it doesn't stop there. Christ on earth was only a short 30-some years. Christ in spirit is forever. If Christ's death hadn't happened, there would be no point to Christmas. It made me wonder how different our world would be if we celebrated Christ's death with as much vigour and intensity as we celebrate his birth. Months before Christmas, we put up our trees, light up our houses, put out our nativity sets and go on a spending spree that could feed an entire third world country. Why do we not celebrate Christ's death and resurrection in the same way? Christ's death meant that in 2011, his spirit could still be God with us. Why don't we put up our crosses and crowns of thorns? Where is the tomb with the stone rolled away that we put out to remind us of Christ's sacrificial death for our redemption of sins? The picture isn't nearly a "pretty" as a baby wrapped lovingly in strips of cloth and laying in a manger full of hay. But the message of redemption is so much greater. The birth, although a miracle and a loving gesture from a King who left his throne, is nothing without the next chapter. It's Christ's death and resurrection that truly makes his coming worth celebrating.
I am praying that this Christmas I will be mindful of the redemptive reason that Christ came - to be Emmanuel, God with us, here, now, always.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
And A Year Has Passed
Up. Down.
Happy. Sad.
Content. Restless.
Settled. Anxious.
Wishing. Dreaming. Hoping.
Longing.
A year ago today, I said good-bye to my children. It is so hard to believe a year has passed. I look back on this year and feel as though I just said good-bye to them but a few short weeks ago. I still remember their laughs, hugs, and smiles. I see them as clearly now as I did a year ago. I find myself wondering how shocking it will be when one day I see them and their laughter has changed, their smiles are bigger and their hugs are around my neck and not around my waist. How strange will it be when in my memory, they are as they were when I waved farewell from the top of the escalator in Washington, DC?
It's strange now to say that I toured a year ago. It is no longer a recent event. The memories and experiences still live so deeply within me though, that they will always be a part of who I am. The chaperones have become my family and closest friends. The children are mine whether they are living with me on a bus or busy at school in Africa. I will always cherish them. I will always miss them. I think of them everyday.
I miss the life of tour. The community that traveled with you wherever you went, the joy that came from watching the children grow and learn, the laughter that we shared on a daily basis. I even miss the struggles that came on tour. It's so easy to forget my need to grow and thrive now that I am back in the routine of home and work. Growth was such a part of tour because you didn't have a choice. It's easy to choose not to grow when you aren't forced to be adaptable. It's easy to walk away from conflict and not have to deal with things that life throws my way when I am no longer confined to a bus and living in close proximity continually. It changed me deeply and I am forever grateful.
One day, I'll see my children again. I can't wait to put my arms around them - no matter how much they've grown.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
A Rant from my Soap Box
I've been following the "Occupy Movement", especially since it has set up shop here at home. I would first like to state that although I recognize the inequality that finances create, I do not agree with the basic premise of the Occupy Movement.
Firstly, I am bothered by the fact that it is a "poor me" status that has taken over in North American protests. If this movement was happening in Third World Countries, where society is unable to care for those in poverty, then I might be more supportive. Here in Canada, we have so many programs available to those who need assistance. And while I recognize that we are in a financial crisis in so many places, we are not without job opportunities. I am not saying our system is perfect, I am saying that there are ways to get help.
Secondly, I was most recently bothered by the news of an 11 year old who has been sleeping and protesting in the park. Why is an 11 year old not at school? Here in Canada we have free education, a chance for that child to learn work ethic and begin to discover where his gifts lie. Why is a child protesting in an adult debate?
Thirdly, I might not be rich, but everyday, I go to work and earn the money that I receive. I work hard and live comfortably and do not feel that because I am not part of the 1% who happen to have a better business head than I, that I should be exempt from so many things.
Yes, I agree that equal taxation is needed. I agree that too often we cater to those with money. However, I don't agree that if they have worked hard for it, they shouldn't have it.
And lastly, if you get a fine for staying in the park and breaking a city bylaw, please do not come to my door asking for a donation to cover it. I send my money to people who truly need help and support them through trusted organizations who are a making a difference. Get a job and cover it yourself or get out of the park.
Firstly, I am bothered by the fact that it is a "poor me" status that has taken over in North American protests. If this movement was happening in Third World Countries, where society is unable to care for those in poverty, then I might be more supportive. Here in Canada, we have so many programs available to those who need assistance. And while I recognize that we are in a financial crisis in so many places, we are not without job opportunities. I am not saying our system is perfect, I am saying that there are ways to get help.
Secondly, I was most recently bothered by the news of an 11 year old who has been sleeping and protesting in the park. Why is an 11 year old not at school? Here in Canada we have free education, a chance for that child to learn work ethic and begin to discover where his gifts lie. Why is a child protesting in an adult debate?
Thirdly, I might not be rich, but everyday, I go to work and earn the money that I receive. I work hard and live comfortably and do not feel that because I am not part of the 1% who happen to have a better business head than I, that I should be exempt from so many things.
Yes, I agree that equal taxation is needed. I agree that too often we cater to those with money. However, I don't agree that if they have worked hard for it, they shouldn't have it.
And lastly, if you get a fine for staying in the park and breaking a city bylaw, please do not come to my door asking for a donation to cover it. I send my money to people who truly need help and support them through trusted organizations who are a making a difference. Get a job and cover it yourself or get out of the park.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
A Faith Progression
This month has been teaching me many lessons and as I stop to ponder them, I am seeing a progression of growth in my faith. A few weeks ago, I heard Max Lucado speaking on a radio station. He talked about how we need to recognize that as humans, we are always in a "crisis" situation. He said that we need to act out our faith on the good days the same way we would on the tough days - diligence in spending time with God, in reading his Word and in recognizing his grace. There is always a battle going on for our lives, even when in our humanity, we feel pretty good. Then, this past Saturday, I really felt challenged to relinquish my independence and to stop trying to be so self-sufficient. On Sunday, I was reminded that God isn't here for my immediate stress relief but that often there is a lesson I need to learn through the trying situation.
Boom...trying situation. 2 leaky pipes in my crawl space. I know that doesn't sound like a reason to panic, but I know nothing about these kinds of things and my mind always goes to the extreme and in the end, my imagination has me paying thousands and thousands of dollars to get it fixed. The last time I had a crisis situation, I called my parents in a frantic panic. I still called my parents, but this time it was with a calm spirit in knowing that even in this "crisis", I was being looked after. As I looked at the problem, I felt my heart start to pound, but over and over in my mind was that even in this crisis, there is a lesson. A few deep breaths and a moment of prayer and I felt my perspective begin to shift. It's going to be okay. Pipes can be fixed. I have a job that is going to pay me for the next 10 months and it will be fine. In fact, I even felt enough courage to go completely into my crawl space (which is how I found the second leaky pipe....AND if you knew how much I dislike dark, damp spaces, you'd understand my dilemma). Then I realized, if the leaky pipe right by the door to the crawl space hadn't happened, I never would have found the other one - the one that is more problematic than the first.
These lessons that have been living in my mind for the last few weeks have worked their way into my heart and I'm finally learning. I'm not saying that I won't have a panic again, I'm saying that I'm learning to deal with it in faith. This progression of faith is unending and I just need to keep my eyes open for the lesson God is trying to teach me.
Boom...trying situation. 2 leaky pipes in my crawl space. I know that doesn't sound like a reason to panic, but I know nothing about these kinds of things and my mind always goes to the extreme and in the end, my imagination has me paying thousands and thousands of dollars to get it fixed. The last time I had a crisis situation, I called my parents in a frantic panic. I still called my parents, but this time it was with a calm spirit in knowing that even in this "crisis", I was being looked after. As I looked at the problem, I felt my heart start to pound, but over and over in my mind was that even in this crisis, there is a lesson. A few deep breaths and a moment of prayer and I felt my perspective begin to shift. It's going to be okay. Pipes can be fixed. I have a job that is going to pay me for the next 10 months and it will be fine. In fact, I even felt enough courage to go completely into my crawl space (which is how I found the second leaky pipe....AND if you knew how much I dislike dark, damp spaces, you'd understand my dilemma). Then I realized, if the leaky pipe right by the door to the crawl space hadn't happened, I never would have found the other one - the one that is more problematic than the first.
These lessons that have been living in my mind for the last few weeks have worked their way into my heart and I'm finally learning. I'm not saying that I won't have a panic again, I'm saying that I'm learning to deal with it in faith. This progression of faith is unending and I just need to keep my eyes open for the lesson God is trying to teach me.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
The Struggle of Surrender
I pride myself on being independent...pride being the defining word of that statement. When my niece was little, she used to say, "I do it by me own self" (put a little Irish lilt in your pronunciation and you'll have it just right). It seems I have adopted this little mantra for myself. I can do it. I can do it by myself. I have always had an independent streak, but I can pinpoint when it came to be a pride issue. It came as a way to prove that I didn't need a certain someone in my life anymore. It came about to prove that a single woman could be successful and accomplished. It came about to prove that even with a broken heart, one could still make decisions and enjoy life. Seven years of proving it has made it that much more difficult to surrender it.
Generally, my independent nature is not all that bad. Considering my current life path, independence is a valid and needed trait. However, I try to exert my independence in too many ways and usually it ends up in a frantic phone call to my parents (who are highly gracious and understanding) who then talk me down off my ledge of panic.
I spent this morning at a worship conference and at the end of the session, the speaker gave us time to simply wait upon the Lord. As I sat there, I knew that Lord was asking me to surrender. To let go of my need to prove that I can do it...to let go of my pride the proves to those around me that I am not weak, that I am not needy...to let go of my independence so that I could simply be dependent on my maker. I wrestled in my spirit for a long while and although a layer or two was stripped away, there is still a multitude of independent layers to overcome.
I want to be dependent on my Saviour but still hold control over my own life. Problem is, it doesn't work that way. I need to be fully dependent on him and relinquish the control I hold. Oh, how I wrestle with that. I make bargains and offer suggestions and still he waits for me to hand it over, to let him be the definitive decision maker, life planner and heart holder. I've worked so hard for this independence, I struggle with relinquishing the reins and simply sitting in the passenger seat, allowing Christ to be the driver.
I was reminded today that he is holding my heart and my spirit and if I will just let me hold all of it instead of just a portion that he has a great plan for my life. I just need to let him have the room to fulfill it.
Generally, my independent nature is not all that bad. Considering my current life path, independence is a valid and needed trait. However, I try to exert my independence in too many ways and usually it ends up in a frantic phone call to my parents (who are highly gracious and understanding) who then talk me down off my ledge of panic.
I spent this morning at a worship conference and at the end of the session, the speaker gave us time to simply wait upon the Lord. As I sat there, I knew that Lord was asking me to surrender. To let go of my need to prove that I can do it...to let go of my pride the proves to those around me that I am not weak, that I am not needy...to let go of my independence so that I could simply be dependent on my maker. I wrestled in my spirit for a long while and although a layer or two was stripped away, there is still a multitude of independent layers to overcome.
I want to be dependent on my Saviour but still hold control over my own life. Problem is, it doesn't work that way. I need to be fully dependent on him and relinquish the control I hold. Oh, how I wrestle with that. I make bargains and offer suggestions and still he waits for me to hand it over, to let him be the definitive decision maker, life planner and heart holder. I've worked so hard for this independence, I struggle with relinquishing the reins and simply sitting in the passenger seat, allowing Christ to be the driver.
I was reminded today that he is holding my heart and my spirit and if I will just let me hold all of it instead of just a portion that he has a great plan for my life. I just need to let him have the room to fulfill it.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Ah, summer
I haven't blogged in a while...too busy with summer holidays! It has been a wonderful summer filled with travel and friends.
I started out my summer with Amber celebrating Canada Day and spending the weekend with her and Justin. We had a great time and it was nice to spend a relaxing weekend at her place to begin to recoup from the semester. After the Canada Day weekend, I spent a few days with my parents before jetting off to Michigan to see my fellow Aunties from Choir 35. It was a wonderful visit! I loved being with them and seeing Choir 37, being able to spend time with those children felt so normal and right. We did a lot of fun things in Michigan! Here are a few...
On the way home, my flight was delayed in Minneapolis. I spent the night on the floor of the airport and got rerouted through Winnipeg.
After my vacation in Michigan, I spent a few days at home, saw a beautiful young woman get married, celebrated the pending arrival of my dear friend's first baby and spent 3 days painting the exterior of my house (with the help of my dad, of course)! It looks beautiful.
I was excited to be able to spend a few days in BC with my dear friend, Rhonda. I visited the ACC office and got to see the other Western Auntie, Mel. It was a wonderful weekend.
Katrina, Kaia and I took a road trip to Saskatoon to see the musical Wicked! It was amazing. I'm so glad we went. We finished off the night with supper at Fuddruckers. I enjoy that restaurant!
The unfortunate part of the summer was that my windshield got smashed. That's annoying! The day before I went back to work, I woke up to a lovely little surprise. Thankfully, SGI was very helpful.
I also had lots of time to relax, read books, spend time with my friends, go for walks and watch movies. It was a wonderful summer and I'm glad that I took so many adventures. One more exciting adventure hopefully awaits if the weather stays nice...a hot air balloon ride! School starts Monday, so it will be the last adventure for a while. It is hard to say good-bye to summer adventures, but who knows what adventures await me this year!
I started out my summer with Amber celebrating Canada Day and spending the weekend with her and Justin. We had a great time and it was nice to spend a relaxing weekend at her place to begin to recoup from the semester. After the Canada Day weekend, I spent a few days with my parents before jetting off to Michigan to see my fellow Aunties from Choir 35. It was a wonderful visit! I loved being with them and seeing Choir 37, being able to spend time with those children felt so normal and right. We did a lot of fun things in Michigan! Here are a few...
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| Amy, me and Alesha out for a walk in Grand Haven |
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| My kindred, Laura |
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| Footprints in the sand |
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| Amusement park with Choir 37. So fun! |
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| Back in my seat. Felt so nice... |
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| Together again...Amy, Chelsea, Vic, Me and Alesha |
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| We did some volunteer work and made a new friend. Meet Judy! |
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| Love you, kindred. |
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| Trip to New York State...these are small ice creams! |
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| Out for Crepes |
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| At Canandaigua Lake |
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| Spent the day at Lake Michigan. Fun in the waves! |
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| Sand dune ride |
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| We climbed to the top of a lighthouse |
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| Hiking the sand dunes...it was hard |
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| Traverse City |
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| Down for the night in Minneapolis |
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| View for 18 hours... |
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| The good part about going through Winnipeg. A visit with my dear friend, Nancy |
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| View from the plane...my university |
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| Jill's wedding |
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| Kristen's shower |
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| The finished face lift |
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| Auntie Mel and I |
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| I love the ocean |
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| Katrina and Kaia really missed me :) |
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| Ready for Wicked to start! |
The unfortunate part of the summer was that my windshield got smashed. That's annoying! The day before I went back to work, I woke up to a lovely little surprise. Thankfully, SGI was very helpful.
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| That's a pretty impressive crack |
Friday, July 8, 2011
On my way!
I love travelling and I especially love travelling when it has a purpose. I'm so very excited to see my tour friends and family. In these last 6 months, I have missed them dearly and now that I'm on my way, I can barely contain myself. I am sitting in the airport, enjoying the free WiFi and quietly thanking my parents for giving me their Delta miles so I could fly away.
I have counted down to this day since the tickets were booked. Now that it is here, I'm going to savour every moment of time, I'm going to make the most of the 2 weeks I have with this family of my heart and I'm going to take a million pictures, both with my camera and in my mind. These are the times memories are made of.
I'm on my way, friends! Just a few more hours and the real fun will begin!
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Slow Me Down Lord
I found this in my cleaning today...copied from somewhere. It is fitting. A poem by Wilfred E. Peterson
Ease the pounding of my heart by the quieting of my mind.
Steady my hurried pace with a vision of the eternal reach of times.
Give me amidst the confusion of my day, the calmness of the everlasting hills.
Break the tension of my nerves and muscles with the soothing music of the singing springs that live in my memory.
Teach me the art of taking "minute vacations", of slowing down to look at a flower, to chat with a friend, to pat a dog, to read a few lines from a good book.
Remind me each day of the fable of the hare and the tortoise that I may know that the race is not only to the swift.
There is more to life than increasing the speed.
Oaks grow slowly.
Slow me down, Lord.
Inspire me to send my roots to the deep soil of life's enduring values that I may grow toward the stars of my great destiny.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Restless
With all that has been happening lately, my emotions have finally caught up with me and I'm finally realizing what a big part of my problem is. I'm so restless. I am so excited to be heading on a vacation because I just feel like I need to be on the move. The biggest problem in my restlessness has been that I've been neglectful of my relationship with Jesus. I'm searching everywhere but the place I should be. I haven't been asking for direction, I've just been wandering aimlessly hoping it will drop in my lap. In Luke it says, "Ask and you will receive, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened", but I've not been asking, so how can I receive...I've not been seeking, so how will I find?
I recently heard an Audrey Assad song called "Restless" and I was struck by it's truth. I am restless until I rest in Christ. He has given me this restlessness but it is my job to ask him and to seek after him for what to do with it.
I recently heard an Audrey Assad song called "Restless" and I was struck by it's truth. I am restless until I rest in Christ. He has given me this restlessness but it is my job to ask him and to seek after him for what to do with it.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
To my teachers, with love...
With every year of teaching that passes, I have a new appreciation for my former teachers. Little things that as a student never cross your mind are the "norm" for a teacher. As I gathered up textbooks today and took them back to the book room, I realized that I have no idea where the book room is even located at Central. It certainly wasn't something I ever thought about. I never wondered where the books were kept or whose responsibility it was to keep track of them, organize them and put them away. As I prepare my year-end packages for the office, I realize just how much paperwork my teachers had to do....just in case I wanted to look at the final and contest the given mark. After spending 5 hours correcting my science final, I had to enter all the marks, post the marks, submit the marks, and then approve the marks. Seriously. This isn't a short process. Then, as I spent time calling parents and tracking down students, I realized how much time my teachers spent making sure that we were kept on the right path. We only have so much control over that and although we can't keep everyone there, it is a battle we continue to fight because we see potential in the students that we engage with everyday.
So, for all the times I didn't say thank you, I want to say it now. My teachers may never know the impact they made on my life, but I am completely aware now of their sacrifice. Mr. Verity would be pleased to know that I haven't ended up sitting on the corner of Caribou and that, yes, that calculus class has come in handy. I'm thankful to Miss Brodie for being so adamant that we learn proper grammar and writing techniques because I have never used it as much as I have in these last 5 years. I'm thankful to Mr. McKinnon for being a great conductor and for having expectations of us in rehearsals. Those are the same expectations I have of my students. I'm even more grateful for the countless hours he spent after school so that we could have extracurricular music groups, especially now knowing that it means he gave up countless other hours to prepare and plan all the other tasks for which a music teacher is responsible.
I've often wondered where my grade 3/4 teacher has ended up. I wish I could give her a hug and thank her for thinking outside of the box. Miss Bell was the greatest teacher I've ever had and I wish I could tell her. When you're 8, you don't know it. I know it now. She may not have been a conventional teacher, but I learned a lot from her. I remember so much from her class and that has made an impact on me as an adult.
So thank you. Thank you for giving of yourselves so that I could be the person I am today. Thank you for seeing value in me, even when I didn't see it in myself.
So, for all the times I didn't say thank you, I want to say it now. My teachers may never know the impact they made on my life, but I am completely aware now of their sacrifice. Mr. Verity would be pleased to know that I haven't ended up sitting on the corner of Caribou and that, yes, that calculus class has come in handy. I'm thankful to Miss Brodie for being so adamant that we learn proper grammar and writing techniques because I have never used it as much as I have in these last 5 years. I'm thankful to Mr. McKinnon for being a great conductor and for having expectations of us in rehearsals. Those are the same expectations I have of my students. I'm even more grateful for the countless hours he spent after school so that we could have extracurricular music groups, especially now knowing that it means he gave up countless other hours to prepare and plan all the other tasks for which a music teacher is responsible.
I've often wondered where my grade 3/4 teacher has ended up. I wish I could give her a hug and thank her for thinking outside of the box. Miss Bell was the greatest teacher I've ever had and I wish I could tell her. When you're 8, you don't know it. I know it now. She may not have been a conventional teacher, but I learned a lot from her. I remember so much from her class and that has made an impact on me as an adult.
So thank you. Thank you for giving of yourselves so that I could be the person I am today. Thank you for seeing value in me, even when I didn't see it in myself.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Storing Up Treasures
Imagine for a moment with me, will you? Close your eyes and picture the items you treasure most in your home. Don't be sacrificial now and say family...be realistic. Picture those things that you can't imagine parting with. Categorize them in your mind.
Imagine now that everything you owned suddenly disappeared. All around you, nothing. Imagine the feeling that would accompany it. Is it relief? Sorrow? Self pity? Selfishness?
What would you miss the most? Think about it. Then ask yourself if you value those things more than you should. Ask yourself if, when God calls you home, they will be of value to anyone else.
I spent yesterday helping my mom, my auntie, and my uncle clean out my grandpa's apartment. As we sorted and cleaned, I realized how many treasures hold no value after we are gone. Piles were made for garbage, for donations and for keeps. The keep pile was a lot smaller than the other two.
And here's what I realized - I valued and loved my grandpa, but it wasn't because of what he owned. It's because he was my grandpa. At the end of the day, the few little mementos I kept from his place were because they reminded me of him, but in the end most of what he kept in his life held no significance for anyone. As we carried out bags to the trash bin, I realized just how fleeting this life is and I was reminded about the verses in Matthew 6. They say,
"Don't hoard treasure down here where it gets eaten by moths and corroded by rust or - worse! - stolen by burglars. Stockpile treasure in heaven, where it's safe from moth and rust and burglars. It's obvious, isn't it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you most want to be, and end up being." (The Message)
The NIV says, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also".
Someday, I will close my eyes for the final time and none of this will go with me when I leave this earth. When I get to Heaven, what kind of treasures will I have stored there? Will I have stored a kind word and helping hand? Will my treasures be love and trust? Or will I have left all my treasures behind on earth only to find out that I was storing my treasures in the wrong place. What kind of legacy will I leave behind? One that shows that my treasures were not of this world or one that shows I accumulated a lot of stuff. Will I gain the whole world but lose my soul?
Don't get me wrong. Possessions are a part of this life but they can't BE life. I'm still learning this lesson and I'm definitely not where I want to be, but I'm conscious of it. It is nestled in the corner of my mind, reminding me when I feel my greedy human nature surfacing, that this is not where I want to store my treasures.
Imagine now that everything you owned suddenly disappeared. All around you, nothing. Imagine the feeling that would accompany it. Is it relief? Sorrow? Self pity? Selfishness?
What would you miss the most? Think about it. Then ask yourself if you value those things more than you should. Ask yourself if, when God calls you home, they will be of value to anyone else.
I spent yesterday helping my mom, my auntie, and my uncle clean out my grandpa's apartment. As we sorted and cleaned, I realized how many treasures hold no value after we are gone. Piles were made for garbage, for donations and for keeps. The keep pile was a lot smaller than the other two.
And here's what I realized - I valued and loved my grandpa, but it wasn't because of what he owned. It's because he was my grandpa. At the end of the day, the few little mementos I kept from his place were because they reminded me of him, but in the end most of what he kept in his life held no significance for anyone. As we carried out bags to the trash bin, I realized just how fleeting this life is and I was reminded about the verses in Matthew 6. They say,
"Don't hoard treasure down here where it gets eaten by moths and corroded by rust or - worse! - stolen by burglars. Stockpile treasure in heaven, where it's safe from moth and rust and burglars. It's obvious, isn't it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you most want to be, and end up being." (The Message)
The NIV says, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also".
Someday, I will close my eyes for the final time and none of this will go with me when I leave this earth. When I get to Heaven, what kind of treasures will I have stored there? Will I have stored a kind word and helping hand? Will my treasures be love and trust? Or will I have left all my treasures behind on earth only to find out that I was storing my treasures in the wrong place. What kind of legacy will I leave behind? One that shows that my treasures were not of this world or one that shows I accumulated a lot of stuff. Will I gain the whole world but lose my soul?
Don't get me wrong. Possessions are a part of this life but they can't BE life. I'm still learning this lesson and I'm definitely not where I want to be, but I'm conscious of it. It is nestled in the corner of my mind, reminding me when I feel my greedy human nature surfacing, that this is not where I want to store my treasures.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Saying Goodbye
My Grandpa died today. It happened sooner than I thought it would, but it wasn't a surprise either. It doesn't make it any easier. I was always Grandpa's girl and this feels like an awfully big hole in my heart. My Grandma died when I was 12 and although it was hard, I wasn't really old enough to truly understand but now I am.
My Grandpa was a grumpy man, but in his heart he was a teddy bear. My memories of my Grandpa are sweet. I have pictures of me with him as a baby, sleeping on his chest. I must have trusted him from the start. I remember coming for a week in the summers to hang out with him and Grandma. Those were such fun weeks and I'm pretty sure I was spoiled beyond belief. I remember driving around in Grandpa's old cars and squishing into the back of the cruck (or an el camino as it is actually called). One time, Grandpa and I took a road trip to Flin Flon, MB to see my auntie, uncle and cousins. I remember we got lost coming home and somehow ended up on a dirt road outside of Regina. He didn't think it was funny!
I always knew my Grandpa was proud of me, even when he thought I was crazy for doing what I did. He kept my picture proudly displayed on his fridge and always said that he loved me whenever I came to visit.
It will be strange to come home and not have him here. I will miss him.
I know my Grandpa loved me and I hope he knew how much I loved him.
My Grandpa was a grumpy man, but in his heart he was a teddy bear. My memories of my Grandpa are sweet. I have pictures of me with him as a baby, sleeping on his chest. I must have trusted him from the start. I remember coming for a week in the summers to hang out with him and Grandma. Those were such fun weeks and I'm pretty sure I was spoiled beyond belief. I remember driving around in Grandpa's old cars and squishing into the back of the cruck (or an el camino as it is actually called). One time, Grandpa and I took a road trip to Flin Flon, MB to see my auntie, uncle and cousins. I remember we got lost coming home and somehow ended up on a dirt road outside of Regina. He didn't think it was funny!
I always knew my Grandpa was proud of me, even when he thought I was crazy for doing what I did. He kept my picture proudly displayed on his fridge and always said that he loved me whenever I came to visit.
It will be strange to come home and not have him here. I will miss him.
I know my Grandpa loved me and I hope he knew how much I loved him.
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| My Gramps |
Friday, June 3, 2011
Longing...
I wish that flying wasn't so expensive or that I was independently wealthy or that I bought lottery tickets and won a million dollars. Then, I could hop on a plane anytime I wanted to go and see my kids. I talked to my Kenyan kids on the phone today. They sound so happy and full of life. They love school and the fact that they get to go swimming.
I talked to Deborah and I sent her a "kiss" over Skype and she just started cackling. The laugh that I always hear in my head when I think of her. I'm so glad I got to hear it for real. How I miss that girl. She told me her hair is long and that her sister had a baby and that she likes the house she lives in at school and that she came in first place in cross country. Then she told me she misses me and loves me. Then she asked when I was going to come to Kenya. Someday, someday. That was all I could tell her. I don't know when, I just know someday.
Those children will always be in my heart. My, how I long for a hug from them, to sit close and read a book, to hear them sing.
I'm longing for just a little bit more time with each one of them.
I talked to Deborah and I sent her a "kiss" over Skype and she just started cackling. The laugh that I always hear in my head when I think of her. I'm so glad I got to hear it for real. How I miss that girl. She told me her hair is long and that her sister had a baby and that she likes the house she lives in at school and that she came in first place in cross country. Then she told me she misses me and loves me. Then she asked when I was going to come to Kenya. Someday, someday. That was all I could tell her. I don't know when, I just know someday.
Those children will always be in my heart. My, how I long for a hug from them, to sit close and read a book, to hear them sing.
I'm longing for just a little bit more time with each one of them.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
The Midlynns :)
Here is a link to see Jodi, Michelle and I rockin' out the house (more like a coffee house than a rockin' house, but let's not get technical). We're not too shabby. We did a little medley.
After the Gold Rush and Landslide
After the Gold Rush and Landslide
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Moments that Make it Worthwhile
This last week has been one of many highlights that remind me of why I really love teaching. Last Wednesday, our choir embarked on its annual choral trip, this year to Banff, AB. After some pretty crazy days of wondering whether or not we'd even be able to go (what with all the pending strike action and such), I was pretty happy when the school board and the government made plans for negotiation, thus saving us from striking (at least for now).
The choir spent an incredible 2 days in Banff learning from an amazing conductor and clinician, Scott Leithead. Scott directs a choir in Edmonton called Kokopelli (you should check it out here). If I lived in Edmonton, I'd go to every concert they have....heck, I'd audition for the choir. I learned so much from Scott in those 2 days and my students have told me numerous times how much they enjoyed our clinics. Scott has spent an incredible amount of time in Africa and taught both Concert Choir and Honour Choir a couple of African pieces that we are hopefully going to add to our final concert program. I loved hearing the African music again and while it made me smile, it also made me long for a concert with my babies. I'd give anything to hear Ritah sing Mwijje again.
Amazingly enough, we took 104 students to Banff and had no major problems. In fact, several of the shopkeepers commented on how polite and well behaved our students were. That made me so proud. The trip wasn't perfect, but I couldn't have been more pleased with how my students behaved. They are still the chatty bunch they've always been, but as they began to absorb what Scott was sharing with them, they seemed to pull together and sounded better than they ever had.
One of my students commented on how much she enjoyed our clinics and I said I hope to be like Scott one day, and she just looked at me and said "Miss A, you already are". This from a girl who isn't afraid to share what's on her mind, is in grade 12, and really loved the previous director, a teacher she'd had for 3 years of choir. I could have cried. Coming into a new position is always difficult, but being a choir director makes it even harder. More than anything, you need to make sure your students trust you with their hearts and their emotions. If they don't, you'll never achieve music that not only has technical requirements, but pieces of their heart held out to you. I feel like the time on this trip helped me to connect with a lot of my students in a new way. Time spent on the bus visiting, going up the gondola, singing karaoke, hearing their stories of bike rides around Banff - it all helped me to get to know them just a little bit better. Already, I see a difference and we've only been back at school for 3 days.
Tonight, one of the groups from the Entrepreneurship 30 class organized a talent show (which Jodi, Michelle and I sang at...we were pretty awesome, but ya know...whatev :). I was absolutely amazed at the talent of the students. Some of them I teach, some I'd never met before. Michelle leaned over and said that it should be called 'Hidden Talent' because we'd never have known these kids could do this if it hadn't been for this night. One of the guys played guitar like the boy from August Rush (great movie, by the way...you should watch it). He was incredible. Another guy played guitar and sang - sounded a little bit like John Mayer with his smooth style and light falsetto. Two of my students sang together and I was blown away by how well their voices blended and the harmonies they created. There was a duo that did improv narration and it was well timed and very funny. One of my students - a boy that struggles with attendance and commitment - turns out to be an amazing beat boxer. Literally, I was blown away. With each student that came on the stage, I was amazed by the talent I saw in them. That's part of what teaching is about. Discovering hidden talents. Every student has them, the question is whether or not I will dig deep enough to find them and then be willing to push the student to develop that talent.
I'm grateful for these moments because there are days when I wonder why I bother and then I'm reminded - this is why. The faith these students had in themselves tonight and on our trip is what makes teaching worthwhile. They found value and they valued others. They discovered that they could do it. That's pretty much what every teacher hopes for. It's been a good reminder.
The choir spent an incredible 2 days in Banff learning from an amazing conductor and clinician, Scott Leithead. Scott directs a choir in Edmonton called Kokopelli (you should check it out here). If I lived in Edmonton, I'd go to every concert they have....heck, I'd audition for the choir. I learned so much from Scott in those 2 days and my students have told me numerous times how much they enjoyed our clinics. Scott has spent an incredible amount of time in Africa and taught both Concert Choir and Honour Choir a couple of African pieces that we are hopefully going to add to our final concert program. I loved hearing the African music again and while it made me smile, it also made me long for a concert with my babies. I'd give anything to hear Ritah sing Mwijje again.
Amazingly enough, we took 104 students to Banff and had no major problems. In fact, several of the shopkeepers commented on how polite and well behaved our students were. That made me so proud. The trip wasn't perfect, but I couldn't have been more pleased with how my students behaved. They are still the chatty bunch they've always been, but as they began to absorb what Scott was sharing with them, they seemed to pull together and sounded better than they ever had.
One of my students commented on how much she enjoyed our clinics and I said I hope to be like Scott one day, and she just looked at me and said "Miss A, you already are". This from a girl who isn't afraid to share what's on her mind, is in grade 12, and really loved the previous director, a teacher she'd had for 3 years of choir. I could have cried. Coming into a new position is always difficult, but being a choir director makes it even harder. More than anything, you need to make sure your students trust you with their hearts and their emotions. If they don't, you'll never achieve music that not only has technical requirements, but pieces of their heart held out to you. I feel like the time on this trip helped me to connect with a lot of my students in a new way. Time spent on the bus visiting, going up the gondola, singing karaoke, hearing their stories of bike rides around Banff - it all helped me to get to know them just a little bit better. Already, I see a difference and we've only been back at school for 3 days.
Tonight, one of the groups from the Entrepreneurship 30 class organized a talent show (which Jodi, Michelle and I sang at...we were pretty awesome, but ya know...whatev :). I was absolutely amazed at the talent of the students. Some of them I teach, some I'd never met before. Michelle leaned over and said that it should be called 'Hidden Talent' because we'd never have known these kids could do this if it hadn't been for this night. One of the guys played guitar like the boy from August Rush (great movie, by the way...you should watch it). He was incredible. Another guy played guitar and sang - sounded a little bit like John Mayer with his smooth style and light falsetto. Two of my students sang together and I was blown away by how well their voices blended and the harmonies they created. There was a duo that did improv narration and it was well timed and very funny. One of my students - a boy that struggles with attendance and commitment - turns out to be an amazing beat boxer. Literally, I was blown away. With each student that came on the stage, I was amazed by the talent I saw in them. That's part of what teaching is about. Discovering hidden talents. Every student has them, the question is whether or not I will dig deep enough to find them and then be willing to push the student to develop that talent.
I'm grateful for these moments because there are days when I wonder why I bother and then I'm reminded - this is why. The faith these students had in themselves tonight and on our trip is what makes teaching worthwhile. They found value and they valued others. They discovered that they could do it. That's pretty much what every teacher hopes for. It's been a good reminder.
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| Scott, clinician extraordinaire |
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Whispers to my Heart
I find that God speaks to my heart a lot through music, especially lyrics. Sometimes, I will have heard the song a thousand times and sung it just as many, but for some reason a verse will catch my attention and speak right to my heart. This morning, I was singing for worship and during the song "At the Cross", my heart was just overwhelmed with God's nearness. The very first verse has been running through my head since service ended.
"Oh Lord, you've searched me
You know my ways
Even when I fail you
I know you love me"
I fail God everyday. It seems the harder I try to not fail, the more I fail. But, at the end of it, He still loves me. Faults and all. His love for me doesn't change even though I fail more consistently than I succeed. He's searched every part of my being and knows all the things I do, both good and bad and yet, he still loves me.
Being that it is Easter, I have been thinking about how Jesus never fails me. Right up to the moment on the cross when He could have called the angels to come and fight the battle, He held on for me. Me. What an overwhelming thought. At the moment when Christ was dying, he was thinking of me. He was thinking how much he loved me. Me. The one who fails him on a regular basis. The one who has all sorts of good intentions but comes up short so often. Someday, I will stand before Christ and even in all my failures, He will look at me with love and say, "Well done, my good and faithful servant". He won't say them to me because I have been perfect and in my own perfection have come before him. He will say them to me because I took His love, I wrapped myself in it and in even my smallest amount of belief, I understood that he loved me and because of that, He saved me.
I jokingly said to some friends today after turning down a lunch invitation that everyday is an Easter celebration and we could have our own Easter next Sunday, but I realized just how true that is. Since Christ died for me to cover my sins and since I fail daily, his sacrifice covers me everyday and I need to be as mindful of that sacrifice on an ordinary day as I am during the Easter weekend.
Thank you, Lord, for dying for me. Thank you that even though I fail you, you love me. Help me to remember your sacrifice and to remember it daily. May I be more mindful of it as I strive to be more like you. Amen.
"Oh Lord, you've searched me
You know my ways
Even when I fail you
I know you love me"
I fail God everyday. It seems the harder I try to not fail, the more I fail. But, at the end of it, He still loves me. Faults and all. His love for me doesn't change even though I fail more consistently than I succeed. He's searched every part of my being and knows all the things I do, both good and bad and yet, he still loves me.
Being that it is Easter, I have been thinking about how Jesus never fails me. Right up to the moment on the cross when He could have called the angels to come and fight the battle, He held on for me. Me. What an overwhelming thought. At the moment when Christ was dying, he was thinking of me. He was thinking how much he loved me. Me. The one who fails him on a regular basis. The one who has all sorts of good intentions but comes up short so often. Someday, I will stand before Christ and even in all my failures, He will look at me with love and say, "Well done, my good and faithful servant". He won't say them to me because I have been perfect and in my own perfection have come before him. He will say them to me because I took His love, I wrapped myself in it and in even my smallest amount of belief, I understood that he loved me and because of that, He saved me.
I jokingly said to some friends today after turning down a lunch invitation that everyday is an Easter celebration and we could have our own Easter next Sunday, but I realized just how true that is. Since Christ died for me to cover my sins and since I fail daily, his sacrifice covers me everyday and I need to be as mindful of that sacrifice on an ordinary day as I am during the Easter weekend.
Thank you, Lord, for dying for me. Thank you that even though I fail you, you love me. Help me to remember your sacrifice and to remember it daily. May I be more mindful of it as I strive to be more like you. Amen.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Ode to an April Snow Day
I'm dreaming of a white Easter
Unlike the ones I've ever known
Where the treetops glisten
And children hasten to see
Eggies in the snow
I'm dreaming of a white Easter
With every Easter egg I buy
May your be days be merry and bright
And may all your Easter times be white
Sunday, April 10, 2011
30 Day Challenge - Day 26
Day 26 - A picture of something you're afraid of
I despise spiders. They do scare me. Why, I don't know, but anytime I see them it is an immediate sense of impending doom. In fact, even this picture gives me eeby-geebies. Ew.
I despise spiders. They do scare me. Why, I don't know, but anytime I see them it is an immediate sense of impending doom. In fact, even this picture gives me eeby-geebies. Ew.
Monday, April 4, 2011
The Greatness of our God
We sang this song at church yesterday (my favourite version is by "One Sonic Society" should you care to youtube it). The lyrics to the chorus are:
No sky contains
No doubt restrains all you are
The greatness of our God
I spend my life to know
And I'm far from close to all you are
The greatness of our God
It struck me while we were singing that it doesn't matter if we doubt God. If we doubt him, it doesn't change his greatness. God's greatness is not dependent on me. His greatness simply is. My small recognition of his greatness doesn't change it either. I may never fully understand how truly great God is, but that doesn't change the fact that he is simply full of greatness.
I will spend my life trying to know of his greatness and each glimpse of it will draw me that much closer, but I will never be able to fully recognize it on this earth. And you know what? That's alright. I'm learning to simply trust in his greatness. If he is greater than I can ever know, then he is greater than anything I may struggle with. It's not scary to not know God's greatness, it is freeing, peaceful. How wonderful that my God is greater than me. God is greater than what I know, he's greater than what I don't know. It's not about finding my greatness - it's about resting in his.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
30 Day Challenge - Day 25
Day 25 - A picture of yourself and a family memeber
My beautiful nieces and nephew.
My beautiful nieces and nephew.
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| Brooklyn |
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| Alexa |
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| Brennan |
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
30 Day Challenge - Day 24
Day 24 - A picture of you last year and how you've changed since then
This time last year, Amy and I would find a Target and try on all the crazy hats and take pictures. A lot has changed since then. I'm home. I'm childless. I'm far away from my ACC friends. I'm back with my home friends. I'm unsettled, but I'm settled. My priorities are different yet the same. I'm more sure of myself in some areas and less sure in others. I don't have that purse anymore. I've had 2 more purses since this picture was taken. I still have those earrings.
This time last year, Amy and I would find a Target and try on all the crazy hats and take pictures. A lot has changed since then. I'm home. I'm childless. I'm far away from my ACC friends. I'm back with my home friends. I'm unsettled, but I'm settled. My priorities are different yet the same. I'm more sure of myself in some areas and less sure in others. I don't have that purse anymore. I've had 2 more purses since this picture was taken. I still have those earrings.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
30 Day Challenge - Day 23
Day 23 - A picture of something you wish you could change
I want to change my kitchen. I want to change the counter tops and back splash, put in new flooring and re-stain the cupboards. It is all a dream because it is too expensive. The problem with doing one part is that I'd have to do them all. It isn't that my kitchen is terrible, it just needs a freshening up.
I want to change my kitchen. I want to change the counter tops and back splash, put in new flooring and re-stain the cupboards. It is all a dream because it is too expensive. The problem with doing one part is that I'd have to do them all. It isn't that my kitchen is terrible, it just needs a freshening up.
Teaching is a funny thing
I got a job within my job today. In 2 weeks, I'll become a full-time teacher again instead of a part-time teacher, part-time sub. It seems that my teaching career is meant to start part way through. I have never started a year at the beginning and completed it to the end. I've had a million contracts, but never straight through.
You'll never guess what I'm teaching this time around....no, really...you'll never guess...go ahead...try. Science. Hahaha. Science 09, to be exact. I'm told that I will be fine from both the science teachers that I've talked to, so I figure it can't be that bad. At least that's what I'm hoping for. Added to the science is a Math 20 class. I'm very excited to teach that. I've taught Math 09 and Math 10 and I really enjoyed both of those, so I'm looking forward to teaching Math 20. Whoo hoo!
Teaching is a funny thing. I can't get a job that is consistent, but I've never gone without a job as a teacher. Someday, I would like to have a classroom of my own, but for now I am simply grateful to have any classroom. I am about to be a science teacher extraordinaire! Who knows, maybe I'll love it.
You'll never guess what I'm teaching this time around....no, really...you'll never guess...go ahead...try. Science. Hahaha. Science 09, to be exact. I'm told that I will be fine from both the science teachers that I've talked to, so I figure it can't be that bad. At least that's what I'm hoping for. Added to the science is a Math 20 class. I'm very excited to teach that. I've taught Math 09 and Math 10 and I really enjoyed both of those, so I'm looking forward to teaching Math 20. Whoo hoo!
Teaching is a funny thing. I can't get a job that is consistent, but I've never gone without a job as a teacher. Someday, I would like to have a classroom of my own, but for now I am simply grateful to have any classroom. I am about to be a science teacher extraordinaire! Who knows, maybe I'll love it.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
30 Day Challenge - Day 22
Day 22 - A picture of your favourite book
I have a lot of favourite books. I love to read. When I like an author, I like want all their books. I buy my books, I don't borrow them from the library or read them electronically. I love the feel of the book, the smell, the comfort that comes from holding it. Ah, books. One of my favourite "go-to" books, I have probably read 15 times. I love it. A great book by Lori Wick called Pretense.
I have a lot of favourite books. I love to read. When I like an author, I like want all their books. I buy my books, I don't borrow them from the library or read them electronically. I love the feel of the book, the smell, the comfort that comes from holding it. Ah, books. One of my favourite "go-to" books, I have probably read 15 times. I love it. A great book by Lori Wick called Pretense.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
30 Day Challenge - Day 20
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel
I want to go to Europe with Ang and Laura. All over. Anywhere. I am not picky!
I want to go to Europe with Ang and Laura. All over. Anywhere. I am not picky!
30 Day Challenge - Day 19
Day 19 - A picture of a habit you wish you didn't have
Once again, a hard one....hmmmm...habits...hmmmm...I crack my knuckles. Mostly it is kinda annoying...
Once again, a hard one....hmmmm...habits...hmmmm...I crack my knuckles. Mostly it is kinda annoying...
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
The Last Link
My boys are going home this week. I think I've been holding on to Choir 35 as long as possible and the boys were the last link that kept them close (or as close as you can be when they are in Texas and I am here). Knowing they are heading back to Africa, my heart hurts just like it did when the rest of my children went home in December. Having Reagan and Jonah stay with Choir 37 was so hard, but it meant they were here just a little longer and I got to have one more time with my precious boys before my time with Choir 35 is truly over.
I'm going to say good-bye to them tonight and then only God truly knows when I will hear their voices again, listen to their laughter and be able to say with words how much I love them. These boys (and all my children) will hold my heart forever. I gave it to them and through all the highs and lows, they planted themselves firmly in my soul and I will always hold them there.
Reagan is my boy and I'm so glad I got to see him begin to develop character, to sow into his life lots of love and hopefully a little bit of wisdom, to remind him that he is special and that God has a plan for his life. I wait with anticipation to see where God leads that boy.
Good-byes aren't high on my list of fun things to do. I will go on just like I always do, because there is just no other option.
I'm going to say good-bye to them tonight and then only God truly knows when I will hear their voices again, listen to their laughter and be able to say with words how much I love them. These boys (and all my children) will hold my heart forever. I gave it to them and through all the highs and lows, they planted themselves firmly in my soul and I will always hold them there.
Reagan is my boy and I'm so glad I got to see him begin to develop character, to sow into his life lots of love and hopefully a little bit of wisdom, to remind him that he is special and that God has a plan for his life. I wait with anticipation to see where God leads that boy.
Good-byes aren't high on my list of fun things to do. I will go on just like I always do, because there is just no other option.
Monday, March 21, 2011
30 Day Challenge - Day 18
Day 18 - A picture of your favourite place
There is a house that sits on the number one highway...I love it and I take a picture of it almost everytime I drive by. I will someday do a blog on that house, but for now, here is one of my favourite pictures of this place.
There is a house that sits on the number one highway...I love it and I take a picture of it almost everytime I drive by. I will someday do a blog on that house, but for now, here is one of my favourite pictures of this place.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
30 Day Challenge - Day 17
Day 17 - A picture of your biggest insecurity
How do you put up a picture of something that isn't tangible? My biggest insecurity is being a disappointment. I don't think there is a picture for that...
This one will do...thank you, Google
How do you put up a picture of something that isn't tangible? My biggest insecurity is being a disappointment. I don't think there is a picture for that...
This one will do...thank you, Google
30 Day Challenge - Day 16
Well, I got a complaint about the 30 challenge hiatus, so here we go again. I think the next time I want to do something like this, I'll read the whole thing first!
Day 16 - A picture of someone you've been friends with the longest and still feel connected to.
Now, here's the thing...I already put up a picture of Amber. She's my longest and closest friend. So, do I just put up another pic of her? I guess so!
Day 16 - A picture of someone you've been friends with the longest and still feel connected to.
Now, here's the thing...I already put up a picture of Amber. She's my longest and closest friend. So, do I just put up another pic of her? I guess so!
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| Girl's weekend in Saskatoon |
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| We had matching vests. I loved that vest |
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| Playing mini-golf |
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| Amber's IBC grad |
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| House sitting for Dirkson's |
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| Wal-Mart shoe experience! |
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| My university grad |
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| Faith Hill and Tim McGraw concert....awesome |
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| Amber's wedding |
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